Friday, December 24, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
TIring and expensive week... BUt FUN!!!!!!!
After the whole hectic week of SPM.. came A whole 5 days 4 nights of even more hectic work... Cramp up with fun activities and exams.... Its now easy to manage to pull through but I'm happy that quite a number of juniors and first time campers are able to pull through it.. Unfortunately there are some people which can't stand the pressure and went back... Its not their fault though.... But I really do hope they can overcome their fear and challenge it next year... In the camp was grouped in Tinkerbell.... lolx... its quite nice and fun.. And I'm in the same tent with alice lai, nellie tan and jessica yang... It was fun when it is not raining.. But when it did rain, most of the activities were either late or our tents become flooded... There also fnny times which I spend with my members.. THis time.. I really got to know my members better than I did... I also got to know people of different areas better... This last 5 days, I managed to learn what others think about me and I also got to know more people. Although I still miss the times we had in SCC07 and ICC08.... SCC10 is not as bad as we seemed in camp... The courses like signalling, cookery, and craft were fun... Life saving skill and caring for the sick was ok... not bad.... but quite boring... This year, is my first year going jungle trekking in the evening and coming out at around 8pm.. It was a scary experience for me cause it was pitch black and I have no torchlight... Luckily there were few people with torchlight... And I hope this experience wouldn't scare my litttle juniors.... I feel so sorry cause I wasn't able to take part in all the fun activities due to my leg.... I was told not to join any by the doctor just before camp.. But I didn't listen.. I went for jungle trekking and came back with swollen toe.. Its because I can't exert force or get it soaked in water for a long period... Due to infection.. But jungle trekking.. force and water came together... so it was swollen.. thought i can walk and run like normal... I can't get it soaked.. so I didn't go for river crossing and obstacles crossing... Sobs.... Camp fire night was awesome at first.... but then it was quite sad as we're sent to bed early. Though it was for our own good.. but its quite heart breaking as its our last night... We said our good byes and went home... but it was quite weird of me because i realised i didn't take any photo there.... I usually take a lot of pic.. But this time I only took ONE! how sad....
Prom was the day after I came back from camp on 29th Dec.... It was really tiring.. I spent almost RM500++ to buy accessories and the dress for prom.. I even spent RM38 to set my hair.. OMG... The amount of $$$ i used.. urgghhh..... Overall it was ok... But not as fun as i expected.... But I appreciate having my friends there and spending the last few moments of happy memories with them as we might not have the time i the future to gather like this again.... The only thing lacking is to have a prom date... Thats the only sad thing... But overall I had a nice time... Dancing was quite weird as I do not dance.. And during slow dance I could just only stand and watch or just dance with my close girlfriends.. No date... No boyfriend.... Sad... What a prom...
Prom was the day after I came back from camp on 29th Dec.... It was really tiring.. I spent almost RM500++ to buy accessories and the dress for prom.. I even spent RM38 to set my hair.. OMG... The amount of $$$ i used.. urgghhh..... Overall it was ok... But not as fun as i expected.... But I appreciate having my friends there and spending the last few moments of happy memories with them as we might not have the time i the future to gather like this again.... The only thing lacking is to have a prom date... Thats the only sad thing... But overall I had a nice time... Dancing was quite weird as I do not dance.. And during slow dance I could just only stand and watch or just dance with my close girlfriends.. No date... No boyfriend.... Sad... What a prom...
Monday, December 13, 2010
Missing.....
I thought I finally found the missing piece... But its just the fragments of it that I've found... Or it might just be my imaginations... I've finally realised that life is not as simple as it seems... There are more to it than meets the eye... There are things that I couldn't see and feel.. But its there... The truth that I seek will never appear if I didn't search deep enough.. But now I know, the only truth i that i was imaginating too much... There is only friendship... no other.... A big mistake and the worst mistake of telling... Its also wrong from hiding it last time.. Its just silly of me... But its the truth that I've to face....
Watching years pass, watching you there, watching you grow to be a better person.... I'll only be able to watch,... I won't be able to be there for you or to be part of it.. Because I'm just an ordinary friend that you may soon forget because you've found the most important person in your life that can be with you and be there for you.... I've to accept it... It was my fault that I let go... So its your life now... I'm envious but happy for though it hurts inside.. I was just hoping for another chance but its too late...
The piece that i threw away will remain missing forever.. till the day I achieved my 下一站莘福。。。。 There'll always be a hole and a fragment missing from my life... Total happiness won't come flying.. But it is to be achieved. I've to change what I am to what I will be and not the one I am now... Change for a better... Watching dramas are just fantasies... Happy endings and sad climax are just in a movie...Only acted out and written out by script writers.... I shouldn't be so naive to believe that it would come true and there is such thing as replay,repeat or pause... or even stop now continue later... I should be more than awake now.. I should live life that is hard and real... no more virtual and imaginative life... Once it passed... there will not be a next stop....It is not like missing a bus you can take the next... Life is hard and it waits for no one and there will not be another chance....
Studies and Work will be the next target.. I should leave all the unhappy moments behind but remember and cherish the happy moments i've had before... I will not forget those who have been helping me and supporting me all these while... I'll not forget those who have hated and pin pointed at me... This is not because I would like to have revenge but its to thank them.. Or else, I wouldn't have been successful.. Because what I've achieved is for them to see that I'm better than them and I can do better than them at anytime just say the word...
Millions of hopes are crushed almost every second in this world... I won't be the one who get my hopes and dreams crushed... I'll maintain my strength and courage to fight on.. Even if it does crushes my hopes and dreams, I will fight on because it is not the end.. There will be other opportunities waiting for me to grasp them. Meaningful life to lead ahead even without the other half of myself being there for me.. maybe the other half would appear in the time i need most in the future.. But i know its not now....
Watching years pass, watching you there, watching you grow to be a better person.... I'll only be able to watch,... I won't be able to be there for you or to be part of it.. Because I'm just an ordinary friend that you may soon forget because you've found the most important person in your life that can be with you and be there for you.... I've to accept it... It was my fault that I let go... So its your life now... I'm envious but happy for though it hurts inside.. I was just hoping for another chance but its too late...
The piece that i threw away will remain missing forever.. till the day I achieved my 下一站莘福。。。。 There'll always be a hole and a fragment missing from my life... Total happiness won't come flying.. But it is to be achieved. I've to change what I am to what I will be and not the one I am now... Change for a better... Watching dramas are just fantasies... Happy endings and sad climax are just in a movie...Only acted out and written out by script writers.... I shouldn't be so naive to believe that it would come true and there is such thing as replay,repeat or pause... or even stop now continue later... I should be more than awake now.. I should live life that is hard and real... no more virtual and imaginative life... Once it passed... there will not be a next stop....It is not like missing a bus you can take the next... Life is hard and it waits for no one and there will not be another chance....
Studies and Work will be the next target.. I should leave all the unhappy moments behind but remember and cherish the happy moments i've had before... I will not forget those who have been helping me and supporting me all these while... I'll not forget those who have hated and pin pointed at me... This is not because I would like to have revenge but its to thank them.. Or else, I wouldn't have been successful.. Because what I've achieved is for them to see that I'm better than them and I can do better than them at anytime just say the word...
Millions of hopes are crushed almost every second in this world... I won't be the one who get my hopes and dreams crushed... I'll maintain my strength and courage to fight on.. Even if it does crushes my hopes and dreams, I will fight on because it is not the end.. There will be other opportunities waiting for me to grasp them. Meaningful life to lead ahead even without the other half of myself being there for me.. maybe the other half would appear in the time i need most in the future.. But i know its not now....
Friday, December 10, 2010
莘福。。。。。
莘福是什么？？ 莘福存在吗？？
I know it is not true... happiness won't come looking for us but we have to search for it... But...the consequences are too great.. The suffering are far too great... I want to let it out.. but to whom i can say it out to??? SOme feelings can't be expressed.... I can't tell everything out... There are too many secrets in me... I can't just say it all at once.. Even if i say it out... its not everything i wan to express... there are still much more behind the curtain....
I know it is not true... happiness won't come looking for us but we have to search for it... But...the consequences are too great.. The suffering are far too great... I want to let it out.. but to whom i can say it out to??? SOme feelings can't be expressed.... I can't tell everything out... There are too many secrets in me... I can't just say it all at once.. Even if i say it out... its not everything i wan to express... there are still much more behind the curtain....
Thursday, November 25, 2010
The End of a tiring life... but the beginning of a new lifestyle...
Its been such a long time since I've written here... Many things happened this few months.. Things which I can never forget... Memories which will stay in my heart whether its good or bad....
The good memory is that I've received so many rewards... The tokoh kokurikulum and tokoh pelajar award 'seri bestari' during graduation.... Graduation is quite boring actually. the only fun part is that I can spend my time with my dear friends which i will be separated from after school life ends... The teacher who had been so nice to me will be missed dearly too.... But most of all is the freedom of school life that will be missed as leaving school means a new life and I have to adapt myself with a whole new environment... I will also miss my st john llife as leaving school also means leaving behind my st john life along with my prefect life.. Thought it has been a burden that I shoulder, it has been part of my life for 5 years and its hard to let go.. even now.... Leaving highschool as means leaving the little kids puppy love that I have been experiencing all this while... Flashing back so much.. I realize I've been really doing many stupid things and to get stressed and cry over little things like puppy love and work is quite stupid.. a long distance relationship wont last. why did i even think of having one... Even the close relationship never work out... why would long term work?? In addittion, fear and no confidence is the biggest challenge that has to be overcomed which I might never recover from the last incident....
Bad memories will not fade but it is shadowed by the happy memories that flood my life.... My experiences in all kinds of fields from international to country life or survival skills thought me a little something bout life.... 'Life as we know it, is tough but when the going gets tough, the tough must get going'. Knowing something like a secret which nobody knows of, I learn to shut my self out and not letting anyone know my feelings... but somehow it just leaks out like water from the unsealed door of my heart... But to know the truth is better than only knowing the surface cracks.... I really was naive but I still miss the old days not now....
There is more to life than meets the eye. When this journey comes to and end on 20th dec, my life will me a new change and I have to be ready for the challenges ahead... National Service is the next stop followed on with college and university life... But now. I have to concentrate on my SPM.. The first week is over and language paper was easy but history paper is history for me.... the challenge only gets tougher with add maths, biology, physics and chemistry... Its all for now.... I will update soon enough....
These are the memories of graduation..... following will be the memories of last day of school life....
The good memory is that I've received so many rewards... The tokoh kokurikulum and tokoh pelajar award 'seri bestari' during graduation.... Graduation is quite boring actually. the only fun part is that I can spend my time with my dear friends which i will be separated from after school life ends... The teacher who had been so nice to me will be missed dearly too.... But most of all is the freedom of school life that will be missed as leaving school means a new life and I have to adapt myself with a whole new environment... I will also miss my st john llife as leaving school also means leaving behind my st john life along with my prefect life.. Thought it has been a burden that I shoulder, it has been part of my life for 5 years and its hard to let go.. even now.... Leaving highschool as means leaving the little kids puppy love that I have been experiencing all this while... Flashing back so much.. I realize I've been really doing many stupid things and to get stressed and cry over little things like puppy love and work is quite stupid.. a long distance relationship wont last. why did i even think of having one... Even the close relationship never work out... why would long term work?? In addittion, fear and no confidence is the biggest challenge that has to be overcomed which I might never recover from the last incident....
Bad memories will not fade but it is shadowed by the happy memories that flood my life.... My experiences in all kinds of fields from international to country life or survival skills thought me a little something bout life.... 'Life as we know it, is tough but when the going gets tough, the tough must get going'. Knowing something like a secret which nobody knows of, I learn to shut my self out and not letting anyone know my feelings... but somehow it just leaks out like water from the unsealed door of my heart... But to know the truth is better than only knowing the surface cracks.... I really was naive but I still miss the old days not now....
There is more to life than meets the eye. When this journey comes to and end on 20th dec, my life will me a new change and I have to be ready for the challenges ahead... National Service is the next stop followed on with college and university life... But now. I have to concentrate on my SPM.. The first week is over and language paper was easy but history paper is history for me.... the challenge only gets tougher with add maths, biology, physics and chemistry... Its all for now.... I will update soon enough....
These are the memories of graduation..... following will be the memories of last day of school life....
My sweet but short school life ends there..... but sweet memories lasts forever....
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Sneak peek to my dear sweet prizes and the whole collection.............
partial sweet ness on shelf...
some of the sweeties on the shelf...
Almost all of my sweeties on the ground....
Only ones left are my medals which are on the edge of my cupboard... I'm too lazy... so i'll edit this later... Stay tune to my dear sweet moments and memories....
A Day to remember....
ts like the happiest day of my life.... Finally My hard work after all these years pays off..... The heavy burden on my shoulders... The sleepless nights..... The nagging and scoldings.. The furious moments and the stress ..... I got what I wanted... Anugerah Tokoh Kokurikulum is finally mine.... Its not like I didn't expect it not to be me but I was also surprise that it is me.. Although from the beginning it was mission Impossible... But now I know that hard work does pay off when someone acknowledges me for who I am and what I did... I hope it is the same on the day I get my SPM slip... Thats when everything changes and that is when it all becomes so important that life and death matters.... Here's a sneak peak to my dear trophies....
But one more thing that is so important to me.. Is the support I'm getting from everyone.... I thank the people who have helped me along the way... Not only my family, teachers and comrades who have worked hard with me all these years.. But most importantly... My dear sweet friends who have been there for me when I needed them and to listen to my sigh..... My unforgettable moments with them.....
Eyes on my prize....
But one more thing that is so important to me.. Is the support I'm getting from everyone.... I thank the people who have helped me along the way... Not only my family, teachers and comrades who have worked hard with me all these years.. But most importantly... My dear sweet friends who have been there for me when I needed them and to listen to my sigh..... My unforgettable moments with them.....
me.. zhu nee and tze zhu...
me and sa po yen yee
me and sheau huei..(smelly sheep)
nam, me and hong...
stephanie,yen yee, sheau huei, bee teng and pennie
sheow wen,yen yee,hsin tze, and me
hui ting,yen yee, me and jia qi
memories which cannot leave my mind is and will always be there.. But the thing is.. Will everyone be remembered and will everyone remember me??? Or will it just be the memory of a moment , a second???? I just do hope that it lasts.... All the support given to me was amazing... But there is just one more support that I need.. But I will never get it.. Impossible... Even On this special day it didn't happen... I don't it is going to in the future.... Lets just let that bad memory fade away into the darkness and bring forth the happy memory....
The next and upcoming memory is graduation... But it is not a complete memory.. Not all and not everyone I love will be there.. My dear sweet and beloved friends.. But some will be missing and the all important one won't go too... Why can't everyone just go?? If I had the money I would have paid for the expenses... But I don't and partial memory will not me saved.. Its sad.... But I'll try to be happy.....
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
A Bad impression!
After a long few weeks of exams.. My mood is terrible enough already.... Not that I want to be in this f***ing shit mood... Its something I can't control.... A few tips and reminder given to me...... BUt shit... WTH who r u man???? seriously... screw the fucking talks.!!!!!! Making me walk up and down just for you... WHo in the world do you think you are... Though its suppose be for me but its not my job to do and BTW.. DO you know there is such thing called a phone... It will only cost you a few cents to call and tell the person what you need instead of making me and my friend walk the whole blady school looking for a person who is not in school........ And if I say I can't.. You'll just say fine if thats what you want then don't blame me if the typing is wrong... hell!! it leaves me no choice to do.. Can't I get a rest?? Even Iron Man needs to recharge.. I'm no bionic woman....... I need my time for myself now.. I've been working non-stop for 5 years now.. I need a break from all these work that are not mine....
Losing my grip today.... My skills are getting from bad to worse.. Maybe it because or YOU.... I can't help it when you're around... But knowing that I'm just another friend or maybe just a person who co-exist with you makes it worse... I know its never going to happen.. Yet I stick my head into it.. BEing nice is not pretending.. It shows i care but you think I'm a busy body... Being bad and ignorant.. You treat me like crap.... But why do I still have this feeling towards you eventhough I know you like someone else and I'm just a friend.. I only know that I can count on my friends to listen to my crap... But now I would think twice before I say anything... It was suppose to be a fun day... But it turned out.. I didn't enjoy it at all.... Though I was laughing my lungs out.. But inside I'm crying out for help.. But nobody could hear it.. Cause nobody paid any attention at all... I'm just another human being that co-exist in the same circle.. Once this life is over.. I'm nothing but a small piece of memory which may last for a few more years until I'm forgotten.. Whatever I do is useless... ' The words you wrote... I would keep it and anything you say would not be an importance to me anymore.. I'll just pretend you don't exist..' BUt is it really true??? Can I really do so.?? So far.. I've failed... You have been in my eyes the time i set it on you... But whatever I see is heartbreaking and nerve wrecking... Its a pain that I've never felt more painful.... Tears that were invisible flows down but who would be able to see it...?? Only the right person will.. But there has been none.. Except for one... The person which I didn't notice who has been sitting there for me... by my side.. whenever I'm not happy... Just a simple message sent to that person.. A call would come to comfort me.. But is it what I want???? You can't just be an ornament for me to let my cries out to... You have feelings to.. express it on someone who deserves you... Not me.. I'm not worthy of your attention...
Is my life just about pushing through hard ships alone and those by my side are mere accessories or those who make use of me like a stupid idiot?? AM I not worthy to be called a friend because I've been a person which everybody hates do gain trust from the elderly... A person who i myself hate to be?? but I'm just doing it cause I don't wanna be a burden to my family.. But now... Whatever I do is crap cause I'm losing the most important thing called friendship. But to gain trust I must first go through so much before I could stand there and be your friend but The thing is.. I will never fit cause You guys already take me as an outsider and nothing I do will be enough... So I've made up my mind.... I turn to a stone heart... I will not be bothered by you people's presence or absence in my life anymore.. I can't take it anymore.. Once graduation is over... I will only be studying and paying attention to my needs only.. You guys can rot for all I care. Cause I'm a burden to you people.. I might as well not exist in your life.. I'll lead my own life... Ypu guys don't have to be a part of.. Cause my first impression on you guys have been carved in your minds... I will not stand a chance... I can't go back.. So thats it......................
The sad thing is.. I thought you were my true friends.. But now.. I will think twice.. maybe thrice.. Its impossible.. Though i know some thing has been going on all these while.. I try to ignore it.. But I can't stand it anymore.. I tried to be nice but you've gone too far this time...
Losing my grip today.... My skills are getting from bad to worse.. Maybe it because or YOU.... I can't help it when you're around... But knowing that I'm just another friend or maybe just a person who co-exist with you makes it worse... I know its never going to happen.. Yet I stick my head into it.. BEing nice is not pretending.. It shows i care but you think I'm a busy body... Being bad and ignorant.. You treat me like crap.... But why do I still have this feeling towards you eventhough I know you like someone else and I'm just a friend.. I only know that I can count on my friends to listen to my crap... But now I would think twice before I say anything... It was suppose to be a fun day... But it turned out.. I didn't enjoy it at all.... Though I was laughing my lungs out.. But inside I'm crying out for help.. But nobody could hear it.. Cause nobody paid any attention at all... I'm just another human being that co-exist in the same circle.. Once this life is over.. I'm nothing but a small piece of memory which may last for a few more years until I'm forgotten.. Whatever I do is useless... ' The words you wrote... I would keep it and anything you say would not be an importance to me anymore.. I'll just pretend you don't exist..' BUt is it really true??? Can I really do so.?? So far.. I've failed... You have been in my eyes the time i set it on you... But whatever I see is heartbreaking and nerve wrecking... Its a pain that I've never felt more painful.... Tears that were invisible flows down but who would be able to see it...?? Only the right person will.. But there has been none.. Except for one... The person which I didn't notice who has been sitting there for me... by my side.. whenever I'm not happy... Just a simple message sent to that person.. A call would come to comfort me.. But is it what I want???? You can't just be an ornament for me to let my cries out to... You have feelings to.. express it on someone who deserves you... Not me.. I'm not worthy of your attention...
Is my life just about pushing through hard ships alone and those by my side are mere accessories or those who make use of me like a stupid idiot?? AM I not worthy to be called a friend because I've been a person which everybody hates do gain trust from the elderly... A person who i myself hate to be?? but I'm just doing it cause I don't wanna be a burden to my family.. But now... Whatever I do is crap cause I'm losing the most important thing called friendship. But to gain trust I must first go through so much before I could stand there and be your friend but The thing is.. I will never fit cause You guys already take me as an outsider and nothing I do will be enough... So I've made up my mind.... I turn to a stone heart... I will not be bothered by you people's presence or absence in my life anymore.. I can't take it anymore.. Once graduation is over... I will only be studying and paying attention to my needs only.. You guys can rot for all I care. Cause I'm a burden to you people.. I might as well not exist in your life.. I'll lead my own life... Ypu guys don't have to be a part of.. Cause my first impression on you guys have been carved in your minds... I will not stand a chance... I can't go back.. So thats it......................
The sad thing is.. I thought you were my true friends.. But now.. I will think twice.. maybe thrice.. Its impossible.. Though i know some thing has been going on all these while.. I try to ignore it.. But I can't stand it anymore.. I tried to be nice but you've gone too far this time...
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Saturday, October 2, 2010
A break and great food....
Had a break from studies today... Went to Mid valley with my mom and my aunt for The CIMB members reward thingy... Met bunch of my juniors there... trying their best to sell me HP laptops... lolx... Went to my Uncle's shop in the food court.. And the Western Food was awesome.. Its at the Gardens' Food Court...
I had the lab chop and it was great.. Better than what I expected from a Food court... Plus its better than the western food restaurants that I've been all these years....
Just wanted to share this with everyone... Hope those who read this would go and check out this place.. HAve a try at the western food.. I'm sure you'll love it.....
Just wanted to share this with everyone... Hope those who read this would go and check out this place.. HAve a try at the western food.. I'm sure you'll love it.....
Friday, October 1, 2010
A harsh week...
I have not done this for a long time now... Doing this again really is killing me.... Studying is what I've been doing but not that hard.... Having SPM trials is hard... BM , BI, Maths , moral and history was fine... But when the science subjects came./.. It turned on me... Additional Mathematics was tough.. the first paper that is.. SO I thought it would be easier in Paper 2.. Bur it was harder than paper 1... I practically left the whole paper empty.. Then came Biology paper 2... that really sent me to the grave.. Its so hard.. man.... I was left speechless. I hope the coming physics and chemistry would be easier....
Saturday, September 25, 2010
A day of Misfortune and Happiness...
My day started as usual.... Until the afternoon..... I got me a new hand phone chain.... btw.... I just got my phone fixed for RM80 and this is the second time I fixed my phone... I need to change my phone....
My favourite four leave metal clover.... Don't know whether it played tricks on me or its just letting life go the way it suppose to....
1- After tuition I went to Vanilla and got few pieces of sandwiches and bread..... Then i rushed to the bus stop and saw the bus already there... Urghh.... I ran across the road without even looking at the traffic so that I don't have to wait for ages for the next bus.....
2- Manage to catch the bus... I got up the bus and it was still empty... It didn't move for a long time so I closed my eyes for a second... The next thing I know the bus was full... OMG!!! Hot and Stuffy.... Not to mention smelly....
3-This is when the bad thing happened... When I was getting down the bus... A 'smart' lady placed all her things on the floor making it hard to cross.... Then her 'smarter' daughter decided to block the small tiny space left by posing like a tree bark.... Was so hard to cross and to get to the door... The 'tree bark' moved.. leaving her leg behind... I had to avoid the stuff that was placed on the floor that I forgotten bout her stupid leg... I tripped over and knock myself on the steel pole... OUCH!!!! My right hand damn red... The whole pole mark was there.. haiz... Luckily it wasn't swollen or luckily no fracture or else my SPM trial would me 8 Tidak Hadir or * G cos can't finish in time....
4- Reached home had a nap.... woke up.. food... and then computer... thats my whole day... How wonderful to be lucky and at the same time having so many misfortune....
Two days ago SPM Trial started... Tips were flying all over the place.. Didn't really rely much on it though.. I only need tips for sejarah and chemistry.. lolx.. I can only count on getting A- to A+ in English,BM,Maths,Moral and EST.. The rest are a bit shaky...Physics, biology and add maths maybe around b to maybe if lucky A-... chemistry and sejarah will end up in the drain.... Haiz... life.... Must study hard.. Harder... must achieve my goal... must gambateh... 加油 pauline.. I can do it... I hope....
1- After tuition I went to Vanilla and got few pieces of sandwiches and bread..... Then i rushed to the bus stop and saw the bus already there... Urghh.... I ran across the road without even looking at the traffic so that I don't have to wait for ages for the next bus.....
2- Manage to catch the bus... I got up the bus and it was still empty... It didn't move for a long time so I closed my eyes for a second... The next thing I know the bus was full... OMG!!! Hot and Stuffy.... Not to mention smelly....
3-This is when the bad thing happened... When I was getting down the bus... A 'smart' lady placed all her things on the floor making it hard to cross.... Then her 'smarter' daughter decided to block the small tiny space left by posing like a tree bark.... Was so hard to cross and to get to the door... The 'tree bark' moved.. leaving her leg behind... I had to avoid the stuff that was placed on the floor that I forgotten bout her stupid leg... I tripped over and knock myself on the steel pole... OUCH!!!! My right hand damn red... The whole pole mark was there.. haiz... Luckily it wasn't swollen or luckily no fracture or else my SPM trial would me 8 Tidak Hadir or * G cos can't finish in time....
4- Reached home had a nap.... woke up.. food... and then computer... thats my whole day... How wonderful to be lucky and at the same time having so many misfortune....
Two days ago SPM Trial started... Tips were flying all over the place.. Didn't really rely much on it though.. I only need tips for sejarah and chemistry.. lolx.. I can only count on getting A- to A+ in English,BM,Maths,Moral and EST.. The rest are a bit shaky...Physics, biology and add maths maybe around b to maybe if lucky A-... chemistry and sejarah will end up in the drain.... Haiz... life.... Must study hard.. Harder... must achieve my goal... must gambateh... 加油 pauline.. I can do it... I hope....
Thursday, September 23, 2010
An unhappy Mid Autumn festival......
While people are busy having fun hanging lanterns and going for walks under the moonlit sky.. I went for a three hour long tuition... And the worst thing was it was a 3 hour long physics tuition... Came back around 10pm... Continued studying bm for the SPM Trial paper which was the next day.... My first SPM trial paper.. which had to be a day after mid autumn festival.... Isn't it a bit not fair?? Having to spend mid autumn festival hours before SPM trial??? Is This what you call fair and 1 Malaysia concept?? I only had a piece of mooncake... I wasn't even able to light a candle... As I was too scared for The upcoming paper.... I don't want to get low grades for my Bm paper.. That would be shameful for an Alpha student... I don't like people criticizing my class for what only a few students do... Its not our fault that we want useless students in our class... People who do not deserve to be in our class a re put there eventhough their grades are bad.... People from Beta deserve to be treated equally... quota are just stupid excuses made to be unfair... People whoa re capable should be put in the first class and not to fulfill the quota given... arghh... Why is it so... 1 Malaysia my ass... This is so unfair.. urghhh....
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
♥王力宏~你不知道的事♥
蝴蝶眨几次眼睛 才学会飞行
夜空洒满了星星 但几颗会落地
我飞行 但你坠落之际
很靠近 还听见呼吸
对不起 我却没捉紧你
你不知道我为什么离开你
我坚持不能说放任你哭泣
你的泪滴像倾盆大雨 碎了满地
在心里清晰
你不知道我为什么狠下心
盘旋在你看不见的高空里
多的是 你不知道的事
蝴蝶眨几次眼睛 才学会飞行
夜空洒满了星星 但几颗会落地
我飞行 但你坠落之际
很靠近 还听见呼吸
对不起 我却没捉紧你
你不知道我为什么离开你
我坚持不能说放任你哭泣
你的泪滴像倾盆大雨 碎了满地
在心里清晰
你不知道我为什么狠下心
盘旋在你看不见的高空里
多得是 你不知道的事
我飞行 但你坠落之际
噢噢~
你不知道我为什么离开你
我坚持不能说放任你哭泣
你的泪滴像倾盆大雨 碎了满地
在心里清晰
你不知道我为什么狠下心
盘旋在你看不见的高空里
多的是 你不知道的事
I love this song so much..... I kept listening over and over again..... I just can't get over this song.... Its so meaningful....
夜空洒满了星星 但几颗会落地
我飞行 但你坠落之际
很靠近 还听见呼吸
对不起 我却没捉紧你
你不知道我为什么离开你
我坚持不能说放任你哭泣
你的泪滴像倾盆大雨 碎了满地
在心里清晰
你不知道我为什么狠下心
盘旋在你看不见的高空里
多的是 你不知道的事
蝴蝶眨几次眼睛 才学会飞行
夜空洒满了星星 但几颗会落地
我飞行 但你坠落之际
很靠近 还听见呼吸
对不起 我却没捉紧你
你不知道我为什么离开你
我坚持不能说放任你哭泣
你的泪滴像倾盆大雨 碎了满地
在心里清晰
你不知道我为什么狠下心
盘旋在你看不见的高空里
多得是 你不知道的事
我飞行 但你坠落之际
噢噢~
你不知道我为什么离开你
我坚持不能说放任你哭泣
你的泪滴像倾盆大雨 碎了满地
在心里清晰
你不知道我为什么狠下心
盘旋在你看不见的高空里
多的是 你不知道的事
I love this song so much..... I kept listening over and over again..... I just can't get over this song.... Its so meaningful....
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
...::The going gets tough::...
Since standard 6, I've realized that the time doesn't wait for me... If I don't catch up, its the end.. Though I've been in the first class since standard three, but my results are no good.. My ambition was to be a doctor.... BUt i kept getting C in science and mathematics... I loved watching televisions and stuff... I never studied.. Only till IT happened. I realized that I have to do my best in getting what I want. I can't only count on my mother and brother... I have to get good results and get a scholarship to study abroad to succeed in my carrier... Compared to others, I mature faster, I don't know why, just maybe because of the way I grow up. I act as though I'm a kid, but inside, I know what I want and What I must do to achieve it. Getting good grades in UPSR was the first step but there is a long way to go...
I started off a how do i put it, erm... a b**** i guess... I'm bossy, loud... I don't know.. whatever people think... I don't care... I don't even care if I have no friends.. Because a friend should understand what I'm going through but they don't.. I've met so many different kind of people in form 1.... I had so many different things to learn..... and to achieve so that my future would be brighter.... I only got my kai jie... others.. are just pawn in my game...
I joined different clubs.. I enjoyed myself most in St John's Ambulance... I thought and told myself that if I join this, then it is a stepping stone to my success... But I have to go through a lot of hardships before I become who I am today... Being a prefect is what I regret doing but it was also the only reason I got to be who I am today.. I have to be this bossy little thing that everyone hates so that I can achieve my golds because I'm a chinese and also not to mention a girl...People think, being me is easy, just have to be shining and different... My mother thinks being me is easy cause i don't have to house chores and she does everything. Fetching me up and down is hard... But what people don't think is how I feel... How I am inside.... I too am growing.. I too am suffering... I have to sacrifice my life... I look like I'm having fun.. But seriously I'm not... I have to be a person I don't want to be... A person whom so many people hate... SO many people misunderstand even till now... Its like what william shakespeare wrote in his poem
I started off a how do i put it, erm... a b**** i guess... I'm bossy, loud... I don't know.. whatever people think... I don't care... I don't even care if I have no friends.. Because a friend should understand what I'm going through but they don't.. I've met so many different kind of people in form 1.... I had so many different things to learn..... and to achieve so that my future would be brighter.... I only got my kai jie... others.. are just pawn in my game...
I joined different clubs.. I enjoyed myself most in St John's Ambulance... I thought and told myself that if I join this, then it is a stepping stone to my success... But I have to go through a lot of hardships before I become who I am today... Being a prefect is what I regret doing but it was also the only reason I got to be who I am today.. I have to be this bossy little thing that everyone hates so that I can achieve my golds because I'm a chinese and also not to mention a girl...People think, being me is easy, just have to be shining and different... My mother thinks being me is easy cause i don't have to house chores and she does everything. Fetching me up and down is hard... But what people don't think is how I feel... How I am inside.... I too am growing.. I too am suffering... I have to sacrifice my life... I look like I'm having fun.. But seriously I'm not... I have to be a person I don't want to be... A person whom so many people hate... SO many people misunderstand even till now... Its like what william shakespeare wrote in his poem
"To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing."
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing."
Life's but a walking shadow... A poor player...
Not everyone live a simple life... Everyone has their own decisions and life.. the way they lead their lives are different...Why can't people understand.. Why do we have to tell it out so that they understand... People don't understand..
But at the end of form 2, I met friends who understand what I'm going, people who are more matured adn elder than me who actually understands life... I don't have to act anymore.. I can be myself for once.. I was so happy that 5 days though it was tough living in a flooded tent for my first camping... I had so much fun with Angeline and Soon huat that week, Until now, we're still in touch and best friends forever.
But at the end of form 2, I met friends who understand what I'm going, people who are more matured adn elder than me who actually understands life... I don't have to act anymore.. I can be myself for once.. I was so happy that 5 days though it was tough living in a flooded tent for my first camping... I had so much fun with Angeline and Soon huat that week, Until now, we're still in touch and best friends forever.
I learned so much from then. Trying to achieve higher... I scored well in PMR but I learned more things in form 3 than i could ever learn about people's personality.. And who are my friends and who are my enemies.. People I can and cannot trust...
But I what I didn't realize is that all along I have trusted and great friends all over me.. Its just that I didn't realize... My classmates who Have always been with me... My dear sweet friends who were always there... People who understand as much as time passes... Now I can count on so many people.... adn I can stop acting... But there are still times that i can't act too matured yet with them.. They might not get it...But being myself... I don't have to hide my feelings anymore.. My emotions... I don't have to keep it to myself.. and make myself go crazy...
Yet.. I manage to learn a few more things lately... Something very painful about human being and their behaviour... They seem nice but.. They are just as evil inside... I guess its the way of life.... There are ups and downs in life... so as to feelings and friendship....
SPM is right around the corner.. I have to work hard... Jia you.. Gambateh... I can do it.. I must do it...
I want the scholarship to england.. I want 10A+... I want Cambridge.. I want to be a surgeon... I want to be successful.... Nothing will stop the fire in me... NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Life is too short to mourn for what is lost but there is time to think of the future and to fix what was wrong....
I want to my friends who supported me all the way... me mom and bro who guided me through... and my kai jie, sue fei, kai gor, kenneth, and bryan.. who actually understand me and help me through my hard times... I really am glad to have people like you by my side... And I'll prove it you guys and I'll never let you guys down.....My dear sweet peers who help me through... Sin Nee, Sheau Huei,Bee Teng,Pennie,Jer Ying,Chui Peng, Chit Fei, Cheng Hong,Wei Lek,Han Xing,Hon Nam... You guys really people who, I can count on...
But I what I didn't realize is that all along I have trusted and great friends all over me.. Its just that I didn't realize... My classmates who Have always been with me... My dear sweet friends who were always there... People who understand as much as time passes... Now I can count on so many people.... adn I can stop acting... But there are still times that i can't act too matured yet with them.. They might not get it...But being myself... I don't have to hide my feelings anymore.. My emotions... I don't have to keep it to myself.. and make myself go crazy...
Yet.. I manage to learn a few more things lately... Something very painful about human being and their behaviour... They seem nice but.. They are just as evil inside... I guess its the way of life.... There are ups and downs in life... so as to feelings and friendship....
SPM is right around the corner.. I have to work hard... Jia you.. Gambateh... I can do it.. I must do it...
I want the scholarship to england.. I want 10A+... I want Cambridge.. I want to be a surgeon... I want to be successful.... Nothing will stop the fire in me... NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Life is too short to mourn for what is lost but there is time to think of the future and to fix what was wrong....
I want to my friends who supported me all the way... me mom and bro who guided me through... and my kai jie, sue fei, kai gor, kenneth, and bryan.. who actually understand me and help me through my hard times... I really am glad to have people like you by my side... And I'll prove it you guys and I'll never let you guys down.....My dear sweet peers who help me through... Sin Nee, Sheau Huei,Bee Teng,Pennie,Jer Ying,Chui Peng, Chit Fei, Cheng Hong,Wei Lek,Han Xing,Hon Nam... You guys really people who, I can count on...
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Its time to pull back...
Before I get into trouble again.. I better pull out soon... I don't want it to be too late....
Although I'll try faking it from now on.. But I just can't lie to myself... The Truth of it just hurts so much.. I know It will never come true.. But.... I'm putting so much hope that something will happen... But as time passes day by day.. The chances get slimmer..
And the true form of the disguise is being revealed every single moment... The shedding skin of the wolf... The real form of its true self... Unbelievable but true....
Its the moment of truth... But do I dare to take up this challenge...??? To face my fears??? I don' think so... I'm too much of a coward to do so.... I can only do this when I'm dreaming...
Reality hurts too much sometimes.... Sometimes I wish I will never get up from the sweet dreams I have... But dreams will never last, much less to say to come true... Nightmares last... nightmares come true... WHY??? Why is it so unfair???? Its too much....
People complain of the unbalanced nature and stuff cause they have too much $$ and time.. But have they ever complained about unbalanced forces that make some people miserable?? NO!! NEVERR!!! cause they are too busy thinking bout themselves... Its crap and shit...
I never hope for this day to come.. But it did come that i have to realise the cruelty of the real world.. Leaving fantasy land is the first step.... There is much to see and confront.... Times takes you to places... Places gives you experiences.. and Experiences gives you Courage.. But hope and trust can only be gained once..and so little at a time... Once its gone... Its takes a long while to be healed and regained.. The broken promises... The lies... it will be remembered.. covering the happy stories that we have been through... FRIENDSHIP, LOVE... all gone within a second when the ugly truth is revealed...
Although I'll try faking it from now on.. But I just can't lie to myself... The Truth of it just hurts so much.. I know It will never come true.. But.... I'm putting so much hope that something will happen... But as time passes day by day.. The chances get slimmer..
And the true form of the disguise is being revealed every single moment... The shedding skin of the wolf... The real form of its true self... Unbelievable but true....
Its the moment of truth... But do I dare to take up this challenge...??? To face my fears??? I don' think so... I'm too much of a coward to do so.... I can only do this when I'm dreaming...
Reality hurts too much sometimes.... Sometimes I wish I will never get up from the sweet dreams I have... But dreams will never last, much less to say to come true... Nightmares last... nightmares come true... WHY??? Why is it so unfair???? Its too much....
People complain of the unbalanced nature and stuff cause they have too much $$ and time.. But have they ever complained about unbalanced forces that make some people miserable?? NO!! NEVERR!!! cause they are too busy thinking bout themselves... Its crap and shit...
I never hope for this day to come.. But it did come that i have to realise the cruelty of the real world.. Leaving fantasy land is the first step.... There is much to see and confront.... Times takes you to places... Places gives you experiences.. and Experiences gives you Courage.. But hope and trust can only be gained once..and so little at a time... Once its gone... Its takes a long while to be healed and regained.. The broken promises... The lies... it will be remembered.. covering the happy stories that we have been through... FRIENDSHIP, LOVE... all gone within a second when the ugly truth is revealed...
Friday, September 3, 2010
is it a prank?? or a practical joke?
Is it really like that??? Does it have to be this way??
Is lying so much fun??? Am I so vulnerable and so nice to toy with???
Is taking strings and pulling people,playing with them that fun???
What is the point of all these??? Is it just the way you people have fun with us??
IS that how you show us how manly and how great you are?? Well let me say this,,,,,
ITS NOT cool and its not nice..
People's feelings are hurt each time.. To heal... Much time is needed.. But everytime it heals... another wound is cast and it never stops bleeding..
And with each stabbing.... the wounds get deeper and deeper.. eventually... It will leave a scar no matter how much it is healed in the end...
Is it a prank or is it just another practical joke... How can a person be so nice... But later give me the cold shoulders within minutes...
BITCHES.,... There are all some people who are total creeps.. jerks... full of crap.... Thick faced ass hole... Your not as good you think you are..please don't act as though your such a rich and smart kid... Your just a fat low life which only exists in OUR class because you were lucky... just watch it... Do not think hiding will be a solution... Dark forces will never prevail... If you do not stop crapping and talking crap... Don't blame me for not being nice... Another who call herself a friend is the traitor... Your not only a bitch... but also a double headed snake who craps more than the bitch.. You only bark when The Bitch is there.... As thought your some kind of a puppet or maybe its just you.. Pretending is all you know how to do... Thats the way you play your game.. Don't think I don't know that... I can see through your schemes crystal clearly... Do not think hiding under the skin of a sheep, your disguise will not be revealed... I do not show it but I know it... People think your nice.. but instead.. Ur just waiting for the arrival of time before you show your true colours....I know you like the back of my nose... Watch it!! I don't care of not being friends with you... Besides being friends with puppet of a bitch is a total disaster and its wreckking my own image... And BITCH... when people don't talk to you... Use your brains and get LOST!! WE HATE U!!! FUCK OFF!!! Stop invading our lives.. Ur just and INSECT not worthy to be our friend.. We only reply you as it is manners... If not.. Your just another piece of junk dumped at the side.... Lost of all its value cause from the start, you never should be priced as your nothing but a piece of crap....
Is lying so much fun??? Am I so vulnerable and so nice to toy with???
Is taking strings and pulling people,playing with them that fun???
What is the point of all these??? Is it just the way you people have fun with us??
IS that how you show us how manly and how great you are?? Well let me say this,,,,,
ITS NOT cool and its not nice..
People's feelings are hurt each time.. To heal... Much time is needed.. But everytime it heals... another wound is cast and it never stops bleeding..
And with each stabbing.... the wounds get deeper and deeper.. eventually... It will leave a scar no matter how much it is healed in the end...
Is it a prank or is it just another practical joke... How can a person be so nice... But later give me the cold shoulders within minutes...
BITCHES.,... There are all some people who are total creeps.. jerks... full of crap.... Thick faced ass hole... Your not as good you think you are..please don't act as though your such a rich and smart kid... Your just a fat low life which only exists in OUR class because you were lucky... just watch it... Do not think hiding will be a solution... Dark forces will never prevail... If you do not stop crapping and talking crap... Don't blame me for not being nice... Another who call herself a friend is the traitor... Your not only a bitch... but also a double headed snake who craps more than the bitch.. You only bark when The Bitch is there.... As thought your some kind of a puppet or maybe its just you.. Pretending is all you know how to do... Thats the way you play your game.. Don't think I don't know that... I can see through your schemes crystal clearly... Do not think hiding under the skin of a sheep, your disguise will not be revealed... I do not show it but I know it... People think your nice.. but instead.. Ur just waiting for the arrival of time before you show your true colours....I know you like the back of my nose... Watch it!! I don't care of not being friends with you... Besides being friends with puppet of a bitch is a total disaster and its wreckking my own image... And BITCH... when people don't talk to you... Use your brains and get LOST!! WE HATE U!!! FUCK OFF!!! Stop invading our lives.. Ur just and INSECT not worthy to be our friend.. We only reply you as it is manners... If not.. Your just another piece of junk dumped at the side.... Lost of all its value cause from the start, you never should be priced as your nothing but a piece of crap....
Thursday, August 12, 2010
The truth hurts.........(T_T)
It started as a mere coincidence........ I didn't know you..... I only know you as a classmate........... but then your not in my class anymore... so i did not care...... Then we went out together as friends.... we're of the same gang... So its normal to be friends.... To mix around... You were the one I call quiet and innocent type of person thats why I trusted you... I help you and you help me.... Fine... We watch movie together... We have fun together.... We go for trips together... We chat... WE get along....
WHY??? Why must the truth be revealed so soon??? It hasn't been long that I got to know you.... Backstabbing jerk..... Its not like I've done anything wrong.... Did I do anything that cause this or its just you?? Is it your way of telling me I'm like this or am I just too sensitive??? Am I that irritating?? Or is it just cause I care too much???
I pretend not to realize the truth... I pretend to not care..... But I just can't ignore my own feelings.... Its not like my heart is made of stone but its becoming stone... Whenever I really give all my feelings to a friend or whoever I trust.. I thought I can really get it back in return.... But its not likely to happen everytime.... Evertime I trust someone, it ends up either badly or the secret ends being revealed... Is it true by the phrase "TRUST NO ONE!" As the truth keeps getting revealed.. I learn that your not as innocent nor are you quiet... I guess do not judge a book by its cover should be used....
The truth hurts.. but its something that should be endures from now on.. But I can't get over it yet.. for now....
But deep down inside I know there are still a few people I could trust.. Just... that I really don't want to trust anyone.. I don't want to get hurt again and again.. History keeps repeating it self over and over again....
' 我不在乎了....... 我不想再理这件事了......我恨不得忘记所有东西..........'
Its easy to say i don't care.... but it is hard to let go.... Its easy to pretend not to know but its hard to hide the secret....... Its easy to let the anger out but its hard keep the sadness out...
Everything can be said so easily... But the truth is... Its not easy... There is no easy way out of anything....
WHY??? Why must the truth be revealed so soon??? It hasn't been long that I got to know you.... Backstabbing jerk..... Its not like I've done anything wrong.... Did I do anything that cause this or its just you?? Is it your way of telling me I'm like this or am I just too sensitive??? Am I that irritating?? Or is it just cause I care too much???
The truth hurts.. but its something that should be endures from now on.. But I can't get over it yet.. for now....
But deep down inside I know there are still a few people I could trust.. Just... that I really don't want to trust anyone.. I don't want to get hurt again and again.. History keeps repeating it self over and over again....
' 我不在乎了....... 我不想再理这件事了......我恨不得忘记所有东西..........'
Its easy to say i don't care.... but it is hard to let go.... Its easy to pretend not to know but its hard to hide the secret....... Its easy to let the anger out but its hard keep the sadness out...
Everything can be said so easily... But the truth is... Its not easy... There is no easy way out of anything....
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
A Day Trip..... ^^
A day trip to malacca on 7/8/2010 with my beloved friends... The journey there... We missed out some fun..... We had to be separated... My dear nee and bee had to be in the other bus........ But still The journey wasn't a long one that a person could have so much back ache.... but yet have slight pains here and there....
A happy trip i could say although there were ups and downs as usual.... One could not ask for more i guess.... Just a regret... that we could have gone to ebtter places.... other than wasting time at the war time muziums... we could have visited the peranakan muzium where we could learn more about the baba nyonya culture.. Not to mention i would love to enjoy a nice peranakan meal... lolx......
These photos are all taken at the Butterfly park and near the stadhuys building, malacca river, muziums, bukit A famosa and the bus...
A happy trip i could say although there were ups and downs as usual.... One could not ask for more i guess.... Just a regret... that we could have gone to ebtter places.... other than wasting time at the war time muziums... we could have visited the peranakan muzium where we could learn more about the baba nyonya culture.. Not to mention i would love to enjoy a nice peranakan meal... lolx......
These photos are all taken at the Butterfly park and near the stadhuys building, malacca river, muziums, bukit A famosa and the bus...
Memories that lasts forever.... Happy memories....... It makes me happy to see smiling faces or my dear friends and enjoy my day with my dear friends...
I enjoy looking at sceneries with my sweet nee,bee,fei,peng ,huei,pennie,hong,lek.nam, ken, c.lee and so on... its a wonderful memory.. Though it was only a day trip but its a memory that alsts forever without a doubt...I Hope we can do this again soon........
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