A day of Misfortune and Happiness...

   My day started as usual.... Until the afternoon..... I got me a new hand phone chain.... btw.... I just got my phone fixed for RM80 and this is the second time I fixed my phone... I need to change my phone....

My favourite four leave metal clover.... Don't know whether it played tricks on me or its just letting life go the way it suppose to....
1- After tuition I went to Vanilla and got few pieces of sandwiches and bread..... Then i rushed to the bus stop and saw the bus already there...  Urghh.... I ran across the road without even looking at the traffic so that I don't have to wait for ages for the  next bus.....
2- Manage to catch the bus... I got up the bus and it was still empty... It didn't move for a long time so I closed my eyes for a second... The next thing I know the bus was full... OMG!!! Hot and Stuffy.... Not to mention smelly....
3-This is when the bad thing happened... When I was getting down the bus... A 'smart' lady placed all her things on the floor making it hard to cross.... Then her 'smarter' daughter decided to block the small tiny space left by posing like a tree bark.... Was so hard to cross and to get to the door... The 'tree bark' moved.. leaving her leg behind... I had to avoid the stuff that was placed on the floor that I forgotten bout her stupid leg... I tripped over and knock myself on the steel pole... OUCH!!!! My right hand damn red... The whole pole mark was there.. haiz... Luckily it wasn't swollen or luckily no fracture or else my SPM trial would me 8 Tidak Hadir or * G cos can't finish in time....
4- Reached home had a nap.... woke up.. food... and then computer... thats my whole day... How wonderful to be lucky and at the same time having so many misfortune....

Two days ago SPM Trial started... Tips were flying all over the place.. Didn't really rely much on it though.. I only need tips for sejarah and chemistry.. lolx..  I can only count on getting A- to A+ in English,BM,Maths,Moral and EST.. The rest are a bit shaky...Physics, biology and add maths maybe around b to maybe if lucky A-... chemistry and sejarah will end up in the drain.... Haiz... life.... Must study hard.. Harder... must achieve my goal... must gambateh... 加油 pauline.. I can do it... I hope....

An unhappy Mid Autumn festival......

While people are busy having fun hanging lanterns and going for walks under the moonlit sky.. I went for a three hour long tuition... And the worst thing was it was a 3 hour long physics tuition... Came back around 10pm... Continued studying bm for the SPM Trial paper which was the next day.... My first SPM trial paper.. which had to be a day after mid autumn festival.... Isn't it a bit not fair?? Having to spend mid autumn festival hours before SPM trial??? Is This what you call fair and 1 Malaysia concept?? I only had a piece of mooncake... I wasn't even able to light a candle... As I was too scared for The upcoming paper.... I don't want to get low grades for my Bm paper.. That would be shameful for an Alpha student... I don't like people criticizing my class for what only a few students do... Its not our fault that we want useless students in our class... People who do not deserve to be in our class a re put there eventhough their grades are bad.... People from Beta deserve to be treated equally... quota are just stupid excuses made to be unfair... People whoa re capable should be put in the first class and not to fulfill the quota given... arghh... Why is it so... 1 Malaysia my ass... This is so unfair.. urghhh....

Final Fantasy IX You're Not Alone

♥王力宏~你不知道的事♥

蝴蝶眨几次眼睛 才学会飞行
夜空洒满了星星 但几颗会落地
我飞行 但你坠落之际
很靠近 还听见呼吸
对不起 我却没捉紧你
你不知道我为什么离开你
我坚持不能说放任你哭泣
你的泪滴像倾盆大雨 碎了满地
在心里清晰
你不知道我为什么狠下心　
盘旋在你看不见的高空里
多的是 你不知道的事
蝴蝶眨几次眼睛 才学会飞行
夜空洒满了星星 但几颗会落地
我飞行 但你坠落之际
很靠近 还听见呼吸
对不起 我却没捉紧你
你不知道我为什么离开你
我坚持不能说放任你哭泣
你的泪滴像倾盆大雨 碎了满地
在心里清晰
你不知道我为什么狠下心
盘旋在你看不见的高空里
多得是 你不知道的事
我飞行 但你坠落之际
噢噢~
你不知道我为什么离开你
我坚持不能说放任你哭泣
你的泪滴像倾盆大雨 碎了满地
在心里清晰
你不知道我为什么狠下心
盘旋在你看不见的高空里
　多的是 你不知道的事

        I love this song so much..... I kept listening over and over again..... I just can't get over this song.... Its so meaningful....

王力宏「你不知道的事」《戀愛通告》主題曲完整版MV 全球網路大首播

王力宏「你不知道的事」《戀愛通告》主題曲完整版MV 全球網路大首播

...::The going gets tough::...

Since standard 6, I've realized that the time doesn't wait for me... If I don't catch up, its the end.. Though I've been in the first class since standard three, but my results are no good.. My ambition was to be a doctor.... BUt i kept getting C in science and mathematics... I loved watching televisions and stuff... I never studied.. Only till IT happened. I realized that I have to do my best in getting what I want. I can't only count on my mother and brother... I have to get good results and get a scholarship to study abroad to succeed in my carrier... Compared to others, I mature faster, I don't know why, just maybe because of the way I grow up. I act as though I'm a kid, but inside, I know what I want and What I must do to achieve it. Getting good grades in UPSR was the first step but there is a long way to go...


I started off  a how do i put it, erm... a b**** i guess... I'm bossy, loud... I don't know.. whatever people think... I don't care... I don't even care if I have no friends.. Because a friend should understand what I'm going through but they don't.. I've met so many different kind of people in form 1.... I had so many different things to learn..... and to achieve so that my future would be brighter.... I only got my kai jie... others.. are just pawn in my game...

I joined different clubs.. I enjoyed myself most in St John's Ambulance...  I thought and told myself that if I join this, then it is a stepping stone to my success... But I have to go through a lot of hardships before I become who I am today...  Being a prefect is what I regret doing but it was also the only reason I got to be who I am today.. I have to be this bossy little thing that everyone hates so that I can achieve my golds because I'm a chinese and also not to mention a girl...People think, being me is easy, just have to be shining and different... My mother thinks being me is easy cause i don't have to house chores and she does everything. Fetching me up and down is hard... But what  people don't think  is how I feel... How I am inside.... I too am growing.. I too am suffering... I have to sacrifice my life... I look like I'm having fun.. But seriously I'm not... I have to be a person I don't want to be... A person whom so many people hate... SO many people misunderstand even till now... Its like what william shakespeare wrote in his poem

"To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing."

Life's but a walking shadow... A poor player...

Not everyone live a simple  life... Everyone has their own decisions and life.. the way they lead their lives are different...Why can't people understand.. Why do we have to tell it out so that they understand... People don't understand..
But at the end of form 2, I met friends who understand what I'm going, people who are more matured adn elder than me who actually understands life... I don't have to act anymore.. I can be myself for once.. I was so happy that 5 days though it was tough living in a flooded tent for my first camping... I had so much fun with Angeline and Soon huat that week, Until now, we're still in touch and best friends forever.

I learned so much from then. Trying to achieve higher... I scored well in PMR but I learned more things in form 3 than i could ever learn about people's personality.. And who are my  friends and who are my enemies.. People I can and cannot trust...

But I what I didn't realize is that all along I have trusted and great friends all over me.. Its just that I didn't realize... My classmates who Have always been with me... My dear sweet friends who were always there... People who understand as much as time passes... Now I can count on so many people.... adn I can stop acting... But there are still times that i can't act too matured yet with them.. They might not get it...But being myself... I don't have to hide my feelings anymore.. My emotions... I don't have to keep it to myself.. and make myself go crazy...

Yet.. I manage to learn a few more things lately... Something very painful about human being and their behaviour... They  seem nice but.. They are just as evil inside... I guess its the way of life....  There are ups and downs in life... so as to feelings and friendship....
SPM is right around the corner.. I have to work hard... Jia you.. Gambateh... I can do it.. I must do it...
I want the scholarship to england.. I want 10A+... I want Cambridge.. I want to be a surgeon... I want to be successful.... Nothing will stop the fire in me... NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life is too short to mourn for what is lost but there is time to think of the future and to fix what was wrong.... 


I want to  my friends who supported me all the way... me mom and bro who guided me through... and my kai jie, sue fei, kai gor, kenneth, and bryan.. who actually understand me and help me through my hard times... I really am glad to have people like you by my side... And I'll prove it you guys and I'll never let you guys down.....My dear sweet peers who help me through... Sin Nee, Sheau Huei,Bee Teng,Pennie,Jer Ying,Chui Peng, Chit Fei, Cheng Hong,Wei Lek,Han Xing,Hon Nam... You guys really people who, I can count on...

Its time to pull back...

Before I get into trouble again.. I better pull out soon... I don't want it to be too late....
Although I'll try faking it from now on.. But I just can't lie to myself... The Truth of it just hurts so much.. I know It will never come true.. But.... I'm putting so much hope that something  will happen... But as time passes day by day.. The chances get slimmer..
And the true form of the disguise is being revealed every single moment... The shedding skin of the wolf... The real form of its true self... Unbelievable but true....
Its the moment of truth... But do I dare to take up this challenge...??? To face my fears??? I don' think so... I'm too much of a coward to do so.... I can only do this when I'm dreaming...
Reality hurts too much sometimes.... Sometimes I wish I will never get up from the sweet dreams I have... But dreams will never last, much less to say to come true... Nightmares last... nightmares come true... WHY??? Why is it so unfair???? Its too much....
People complain of the unbalanced nature and stuff cause they have too much $$ and time.. But have they ever complained about unbalanced forces that make some people miserable?? NO!! NEVERR!!! cause they are too busy thinking bout themselves... Its crap and shit...
I never hope for this day to come.. But it did come that i have to realise the cruelty of the real world.. Leaving fantasy land is the first step.... There is much to see and confront.... Times takes you to places... Places gives you experiences.. and Experiences gives you Courage.. But hope and trust can only be gained once..and so little at a time...  Once its gone... Its takes a long while to be healed and regained.. The broken promises... The lies... it will be remembered.. covering the happy stories that we have been through... FRIENDSHIP, LOVE... all gone within a second when the ugly truth is revealed...

is it a prank?? or a practical joke?

Is it really like that??? Does it have to be this way??
Is lying so much fun??? Am I so vulnerable and so nice to toy with???
Is taking strings and pulling people,playing with them that fun???
What is the point of all these??? Is it just the way you people have fun with us??
IS that how you show us how manly and how great you are?? Well let me say this,,,,,
ITS NOT cool and its not nice..
People's feelings are hurt each time.. To heal... Much time is needed.. But everytime it heals... another wound is cast and it never stops bleeding..
And with each stabbing.... the wounds get deeper and deeper.. eventually... It will leave a scar no matter how much it is healed in the end...
Is it a prank or is it just another practical joke... How can a person be so nice... But later give me the cold shoulders within minutes...


BITCHES.,... There are all some people who are total creeps.. jerks... full of crap.... Thick faced ass hole... Your not as good you think you are..please don't act as though your such a rich and smart kid... Your just a fat low life which only exists in OUR class because you were lucky... just watch it... Do  not think hiding will be a solution... Dark forces will never prevail... If you do not stop crapping and  talking crap... Don't blame me for not being nice... Another who call herself a friend is the traitor... Your not only a bitch... but also a double headed snake who craps more than the bitch.. You only bark when The Bitch is there.... As thought your some kind of a puppet or maybe its just you..  Pretending is all you know how to do... Thats the way you play your game.. Don't think I don't know that... I can see through your schemes crystal clearly...  Do not think hiding under the skin of a sheep, your disguise will not be revealed... I do not show it but I know it... People think your nice.. but instead.. Ur just waiting for the arrival of time before you show your true colours....I know you like the back of my nose... Watch it!! I don't care of not being friends with you... Besides being friends with puppet of a bitch is a total disaster and its wreckking my own image... And BITCH... when people don't talk to you... Use your brains and get LOST!! WE  HATE U!!! FUCK OFF!!! Stop invading our lives.. Ur just and INSECT not worthy to be our friend.. We only reply you as it is manners... If not.. Your just another piece of junk dumped at the side.... Lost of all its value cause from the start, you never should be priced as your nothing but a piece of crap....