Everyone takes different roads and embarks on their own journey towards the future and everyone has their own paths and difficulties. No one has the right to tell anyone whose is better or worst than the other because you are not in that person's shoe.
A journey called life is God's gift whether it is bad or good because everyone experiences bother hardships and wonder throughout their life sooner or later. Mine started when I was 7. Before that, I was spoiled, I don't know what life is about and what hardship is because I have a loving father and mother who spoils me like crazy. But since my dad fell sick, everything turned upside down. My life started early and till now I'm still struggling as I do not have that financial income to support my studies nor do I have the capability to be the brightest student to obtain scholarships. I love my family no doubt, but there are times when I give up on them because they don't understand me. But now I'm asking myself whether I know them? Is it true that they don't understand me? I'm wrong! It is because I don't understand them! It is because I thought I'm all grown up, but actually I still act like a child because I'm still spoiled. I still get almost everything I want because it is still affordable. Recently, I demanded to study abroad or to study the most expensive course and the hardest course to obtain scholarships. Aren't I just spoiled and demanding?
The struggle of studies was when I was young. I wasn't smart nor was I hardworking. I only get top 20 no matter how hard I tried because I wasn't pressured to study. Then when my dad passed on when i was 12 also the year I had UPSR, I snapped and came to realized I must study harder. Ask me why? I really didn't know. My trials? results are crap. My weakest subject was maths and science. I prayed and I prayed. God answered my prayers even at that time when I didn't who Christ was. I mourned over my dad's passing and cried. I knew if I don't do well I won't do good. during the exams, I was given help and courage. I didn't know who it was until now. It's God who loves me no matter what. I scored so well I got 5A's. It's a miracle and a dream come true for me that time cause it was the toughest thing I've ever done then.
It marked the beginning of a whole new path when I started secondary school. I had so much confidence and pride. I didn't know how to tone down. I was arrogant and selfish. Everything I did was for me eventhough I said it was for this or that person. I hurt the person who loved me genuinely to keep me safe. It hurt me too but I know it hurt him more. I'm sorry doesn't work. Studies wasn't any of a problem with tuition and all. My extra curricular activities were spot on. I excelled in both St John's as a first aider and competitor. But I lack communication with seniors and I don't have the luxury to go out as often as the rest so I'm left out. But despite being left out, I worked hard to improve and aimed so high and so much. I wanted to be the best in everything and win everything. I've missed the window of opportunity to be close my friends and family during my adolescence. I've won every competition. I was one of the non malays who had the highest post in all that I do. God's grace had given me chance to be in Internationals, National, State and Divisional activities in my St John involvements, Chess, Badminton, Tae Kwan Do, English, Science and all others. I only realize in form 5 that the most important thing is not certs and trophies but friends and loved ones. I had that time of correction to love my friends that I have and I tried patching up holes and gaps in my friendships and relationships. But it was too late for something I guess because the damage is done. There will always be a big hole whether or not I try as hard as I can. Again and again I was helped throughout my studies. I'm not intelligent but I was given help and love. Friends and family and God's gift of wisdom and courage which comes every time I need it most. When my secondary school life ended, I had a handful of wonderful best friends and a file of certificates which marks my experiences and achievements.
College and Universities~ It's not easy. I was interviewed for so many courses and I went exploring in so many colleges but none of it fits what I expected. Until the day, my childhood friend suddenly talked to me out of no where and told me to check out Methodist College Kuala Lumpur. I was like what college? I've never heard of it before? You sure it exists? Ironically when I reached MCKL, I had this feeling that I must study here and no where else. Indeed I did not make a wrong choice because of the experiences I had. The fact that God lead me there and gave me the opportunity no know Him. I was proud to be a daughter of God but until now, I don't know how to tell it to my mom as she still objects to it. I had a bunch of awesome 1103beta friends who have such open mind and such loving hearts who shares every drop of love and knowledge. They were my treasure and my gift. We struggled together. We loved together. Most of all we shared same hardships and same experience together where nobody else can experience. I may have fell so hard that I cried and humbled down. I realize sometimes we rely of God and not myself. It helped me and brought me up. I may have fell but I've learn to stand again with God and it is for my own good. I have been looked after and been lifted up. Opened my eyes to a whole new perspective. My seniors, my juniors, and my friends, my lecturers and the staff have been God's angels that have been there throughout my life. Even till now, I may not have the best result but I am still loved. I may still have high hopes to become a doctor, I just want to walked the path God leads me to. For now, I will stick to what I know and feel like doing because God will lead me through. I know that and I know that the day will come when my fate to university and life comes when God opens that door of fate for me..
I have fell for people who only loves me as a friend but I thought differently. I made choices and loved them in a wrong way causing me to hate them and lose a friend. I came to realize at the timed I needed them most. I've had so much hatred I loved wrongly. I was stupid and I know that God and studies comes first. When the time is right true love and true relationship will come but only God knows when. I should be me and love me and love everyone as a friend until that day comes. I should stop thinking things which are irrelevant and trying so hard to impress. Be me and be loved for me. Not searching and not trying maybe the hardest thing to do for me but I know time will come. I must have faith and hope for a better tomorrow.
The journey of my life is not to a halt yet and it has many more years and experience to come, but now enjoy and love life. Be the person who God wants me to be and love every soul that is in my life for I do not have a time machine to go back in time to love people who I missed and overlook. I may seem harsh on the outside and say things that are harsh. I may say things out of anger. I may do wrong things out of anger. But I still love you and I still love life. Crying and struggles and part of life's journey and I will overcome more of it in the future with God's help.
Live life, Love life for life is a gift and every opportunity only comes once... <3 p="">
