...::The going gets tough::...

Since standard 6, I've realized that the time doesn't wait for me... If I don't catch up, its the end.. Though I've been in the first class since standard three, but my results are no good.. My ambition was to be a doctor.... BUt i kept getting C in science and mathematics... I loved watching televisions and stuff... I never studied.. Only till IT happened. I realized that I have to do my best in getting what I want. I can't only count on my mother and brother... I have to get good results and get a scholarship to study abroad to succeed in my carrier... Compared to others, I mature faster, I don't know why, just maybe because of the way I grow up. I act as though I'm a kid, but inside, I know what I want and What I must do to achieve it. Getting good grades in UPSR was the first step but there is a long way to go...


I started off  a how do i put it, erm... a b**** i guess... I'm bossy, loud... I don't know.. whatever people think... I don't care... I don't even care if I have no friends.. Because a friend should understand what I'm going through but they don't.. I've met so many different kind of people in form 1.... I had so many different things to learn..... and to achieve so that my future would be brighter.... I only got my kai jie... others.. are just pawn in my game...

I joined different clubs.. I enjoyed myself most in St John's Ambulance...  I thought and told myself that if I join this, then it is a stepping stone to my success... But I have to go through a lot of hardships before I become who I am today...  Being a prefect is what I regret doing but it was also the only reason I got to be who I am today.. I have to be this bossy little thing that everyone hates so that I can achieve my golds because I'm a chinese and also not to mention a girl...People think, being me is easy, just have to be shining and different... My mother thinks being me is easy cause i don't have to house chores and she does everything. Fetching me up and down is hard... But what  people don't think  is how I feel... How I am inside.... I too am growing.. I too am suffering... I have to sacrifice my life... I look like I'm having fun.. But seriously I'm not... I have to be a person I don't want to be... A person whom so many people hate... SO many people misunderstand even till now... Its like what william shakespeare wrote in his poem

"To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing."

Life's but a walking shadow... A poor player...

Not everyone live a simple  life... Everyone has their own decisions and life.. the way they lead their lives are different...Why can't people understand.. Why do we have to tell it out so that they understand... People don't understand..
But at the end of form 2, I met friends who understand what I'm going, people who are more matured adn elder than me who actually understands life... I don't have to act anymore.. I can be myself for once.. I was so happy that 5 days though it was tough living in a flooded tent for my first camping... I had so much fun with Angeline and Soon huat that week, Until now, we're still in touch and best friends forever.

I learned so much from then. Trying to achieve higher... I scored well in PMR but I learned more things in form 3 than i could ever learn about people's personality.. And who are my  friends and who are my enemies.. People I can and cannot trust...

But I what I didn't realize is that all along I have trusted and great friends all over me.. Its just that I didn't realize... My classmates who Have always been with me... My dear sweet friends who were always there... People who understand as much as time passes... Now I can count on so many people.... adn I can stop acting... But there are still times that i can't act too matured yet with them.. They might not get it...But being myself... I don't have to hide my feelings anymore.. My emotions... I don't have to keep it to myself.. and make myself go crazy...

Yet.. I manage to learn a few more things lately... Something very painful about human being and their behaviour... They  seem nice but.. They are just as evil inside... I guess its the way of life....  There are ups and downs in life... so as to feelings and friendship....
SPM is right around the corner.. I have to work hard... Jia you.. Gambateh... I can do it.. I must do it...
I want the scholarship to england.. I want 10A+... I want Cambridge.. I want to be a surgeon... I want to be successful.... Nothing will stop the fire in me... NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life is too short to mourn for what is lost but there is time to think of the future and to fix what was wrong.... 


I want to  my friends who supported me all the way... me mom and bro who guided me through... and my kai jie, sue fei, kai gor, kenneth, and bryan.. who actually understand me and help me through my hard times... I really am glad to have people like you by my side... And I'll prove it you guys and I'll never let you guys down.....My dear sweet peers who help me through... Sin Nee, Sheau Huei,Bee Teng,Pennie,Jer Ying,Chui Peng, Chit Fei, Cheng Hong,Wei Lek,Han Xing,Hon Nam... You guys really people who, I can count on...