A Bad impression!

     After a long few weeks of exams.. My mood is terrible enough already.... Not that I want to be in this  f***ing shit mood... Its something I can't control.... A few tips and reminder given to me...... BUt shit... WTH who r u man???? seriously... screw the fucking talks.!!!!!! Making me walk up and down just for you... WHo in the world do you think you are... Though its suppose be for me but its not my job to do and BTW.. DO you know there is such thing called a phone... It will only cost you a few cents to call and tell the person what you need instead of making me and my friend walk the whole blady school looking for a person who is not in school........ And if I say I can't.. You'll just say fine if thats what you want then don't blame me if the typing is wrong... hell!! it leaves me no choice to do.. Can't I get a rest?? Even Iron Man needs to recharge.. I'm no bionic woman....... I need my time for myself now.. I've been working non-stop for 5 years now.. I need a break from all these work that are not mine....
     
  Losing my grip today.... My skills are getting from bad to worse.. Maybe it because or YOU.... I can't help it when you're around...  But knowing that I'm just another friend or maybe just a person who co-exist with you makes it worse... I know its never going to happen.. Yet I stick my head into it.. BEing nice is not pretending.. It shows i care but you think I'm a busy body... Being bad and ignorant.. You treat me like crap.... But why do I still have this feeling towards you eventhough I know you like someone else and I'm just a friend.. I only know that I can count on my friends to listen to my crap... But now I would think twice before I say anything... It was suppose to be a fun day... But it turned out.. I didn't enjoy it at all.... Though I was laughing my lungs out.. But inside I'm crying out for help.. But nobody could hear it.. Cause nobody paid any attention at all... I'm just another human being that co-exist in the same circle.. Once this life is over.. I'm nothing but a small piece of memory which may last for a few more years until I'm forgotten.. Whatever I do is useless... ' The words you wrote... I would keep it and anything you say would not be an importance to me anymore.. I'll just pretend you don't exist..' BUt is it really true??? Can I really do so.?? So far.. I've failed... You have been in my eyes the time i set it on you... But whatever I see is heartbreaking and nerve wrecking... Its a pain that I've never felt more painful.... Tears that were invisible flows down but who would be able to see it...?? Only the right person will.. But there has been none.. Except for one... The person which I didn't notice who has been sitting there for me... by my side.. whenever I'm not happy... Just a simple message sent to that person.. A call would come to comfort me.. But is it what I want???? You can't just be an ornament for me to let my cries out to... You have feelings to.. express it on someone who deserves you... Not me.. I'm not worthy of your attention...
      Is my life just about pushing through hard ships alone and those by my side are mere accessories or those who make use of me like a stupid idiot?? AM I not worthy to be called a friend because I've been a person which everybody hates do gain trust from the elderly... A person who i myself hate to be?? but I'm just doing it cause I don't wanna be a burden to my family.. But now... Whatever I do is crap cause I'm losing the most important thing called friendship. But to gain trust I must first go through so much before I could stand there and be your friend but The thing is.. I will never fit cause You guys already take me as an outsider and nothing I do will be enough... So I've made up my mind.... I turn to a stone heart... I will not be bothered by you people's presence or absence in my life anymore.. I can't take it anymore.. Once graduation is over... I will only be studying and paying attention to my needs only.. You guys can rot for all I care. Cause I'm a burden to you people.. I might as well not exist in your life.. I'll lead my own life... Ypu guys don't have to be a part of.. Cause my first impression on you guys have been carved in your minds... I will not stand a chance... I can't go back.. So thats it......................
  The sad thing is.. I thought you were my true friends.. But now.. I will think twice.. maybe thrice.. Its impossible.. Though i know some thing has been going on all these while.. I try to ignore it.. But I can't stand it anymore.. I tried to be nice but you've gone too far this time...