Lost.......................

I feel so lost.. Being out of the schooling days of highschool make me feel lost... I feel like I'm not needed anymore.. As though life is meaningless now that there is no aim....  Although I have an almighty aim.. But without cash, its an impossible dream.. Maybe it should only remain a dream like everything I had dreamt of... Like liking someone who is impossible to love and impossible for him to love me... Why is it I'm doing such unreasonable things? Why am I doing such Impossible things?? Why do I even try for doing such things?? No matter how much I care about someone... Nobody will realise that.. People will only think taht I'm being nice because I want something.. If I become all sweet and nice.. Some say I am trying to act cute.. But others just say I wanna hit on somebody.... especially a guy... I don't want to try anymore.. I give up on this impossible dreams that I've been chasing... I don't want to lead this life anymore... My own mother doesn't listen to what I want.. The only thing she does is rehect whatever I like and think by her what because she thinks its right.. If I rebel, she only scolds me and say I don't try to understand her circumstances..but has anyone thought of my feelings?? I don't want to have a life that I lead to make people happy. Even my own friends don't understand me.. I pretend don't know hey really think I'm stupid.. I'm not that stupid. When you do things or say things behind my back I know... Or even if I really know you guys don't think I'm that important and you can just ignore me, I pretend there is no such thing and live with it.. Fine now... I seriously can't stand it... You all do things according to what you guys want.. I don't want to bother I just stay as myself like I've always been since primary school.. I don't wanna be actor or be surrounded by actors... Cause I've had it.. I become a busy body trying be nice nand help others to celebrate or even plan somebody's event.. But what do I get?? for 5yrs now..I don't think you even remember my birthday... Has anyone planned a birthday party for me?? Has anyone thought of how I will feel if nobody celebrates my birthday? You say your busy.. But I think its just a excuse... You help me celebrate my birthday one month later and expect me to be surprised.. ok I am.. But its one month too late... The wound has already been scarred.. By mending it.. I think it would just make it a little better.. It wouldn't cure it... So I've decided now.. I don't care.. And I wont care... I only will care for those who really deserves me caring for.. Those who really are my Friends.. Those who really love me for me.. not love me by just saying it so that you can use me.. And for some people.. You don't have to keep disturbing me and making me paranoid byt messaging me stupid messages.. Its just wasting my credit by replying.. ou send me messages that annoy me to the max.. You expect me to reply you nicely?? Are you kidding me?? Are you seriously a nut job??? Hell of course I'm furious.. But no... instead of saying sorry you blame me for not messaging you nicely.. You a crack psycho you know that?? How am I suppose to message someone nicely or say nice things when your message comes either hurting my feelings or just plain annoying... Others.. When I  try messaging them nicely.. They just ignore my messages.. WTF!! I'm seriously pissed off... I'm trying to be nice you do this to me... I be evil you say I'm crap.. So why don't you just get lost.. I don't need a friend or a wanna be person like you to be my friend anymore..  Some are trying to be nice to be.. But being to nice is no good you know why? Because you almost message me 24/7 which seriously do major hell boredness to me.. Cause frankly speaking, I'm glad you appreciate me, but don't you think messaging me everyday and telling me how bored you are and what you have been doing every 10 minutes quite boring to e... Please grow up la.. come on... I am going to lead a whole new life in two weeks.. I have to wash away my old unhealthy thoughts,... Now i'm seriously being a lost fool who keeps thinking back.. what an idiot i was... Now i know.. being too nice or not nice is bad.. lest just say.. I have to be nice sometimes and be evil other times...