My New Year of 2013

Hi.. It's been ages since I actually posted recent happenings due to exams and stuff but I hope it's not too late.. New year~ New resolutions~ and a fresh start.. I'm gonna be 20 soon. oops.. Getting OLD.. But anyway, New Year's Eve was spent with my best friends and best buddies. ^^ We had dinner at Wing's Cafe and then we moved to another placed to play Pool and have a less noisy environment. They had a third round after the Pool and countdown session. I went home early because of my own safety as I am driving alone and I know my mom won't sleep until I'm home unless someone fetches me.. LOL..

After that new year's eve celebration, it was an all out war for Edexcel exams on 7th January which was my first paper and it was Biology 3 and so on for the rest of the month. There were times that I actually wanted to give up, times where I cried, times where I was too stresses out to even do anything else. There are also times where I wasted doing nothing when I could have studied.  But thank God that he always blessed me and always helped me. despite not being to tell me himself about His love and His guidance, he sent his angels to help me.. Thank you my dearest friends, Elizabeth and Wilic who helped me out so much for all last minute revisions, Tzi Qing(in US) & Shen Wen(in US), Kenny(in HK), Max, Dixon, Yu Xiang, Mike, Esther, Stephanie, Sheau Huei, Bee Teng, Mei Kee, Joey and all my beloved friends I could not name for being so supportive , for listening to me fret and being naggy and also withstanding my whiny and emo self.. God was gracious and merciful for He helped me, protected me, guided me and He was my salt and my light when it was dark.. The greatest testimony for God is when results come and I hope all the hardwork and sweat will pay off. Last but not least my family..

Now that exam is over, It's time to party and get ready for Chinese New Year... And time to get to my other New Year Resolutions....
1) Work Hard for exams = Checked!
2) Spend more time with God = Checking~
3) Stop thinking bout Relationships and Being love Sick = NOT check~
4) Uni Applications = On de way~
5) Love more and hate less. = working on it..
6) Don't be so emotional = Working on it~
7) still thinking bout more resolutions... hehehe..

I'm always fallen in love easily maybe it's not called love but sudden attraction. I It causes a lot of misunderstandings, causing much damage to both my friendship and sister-brother bond. The trust is lost and hard to gain back. I'm trying to control but it's a long and hard work. I try not to get to attached but it's very hard when you think of that person Day and Night. What is he doing? Is he Ok? What is he thinking about?? One sided much.. but it's me.. Trying to shake it off~ I don't want to lose another friend especially not you. Because you have made me laughed in moments that I'm down and supported me a lot. You've been sweet but you are treating me as a friend. I must not think too much and fall! Jia you. You can do it Pauline Chen!! Pray more..  :(

Just ending the blog with a word of thanks and love. ^^

Nick's (my bro) R.O.M. , Pre Wedding Night and Wedding day and Wedding Dinner. ^^

Sorry for not updating for sooo long~ Bro's wedding was over like a month ago. But it felt like it was yesterday.

My brother and his lovely wife Jess Tam finally got married and I am so lucky to have a sister now. ^^ One more person to love and spoil me. haha. Yes she does spoil me a lot because she loves what I love. So we share the same sentiment in eating and enjoying life. muahahhaa...

Well talking about their wedding, it was awesome. They had their Registration of Marriage(ROM) at Thean Hou Temple in Brickfields. All were in place except for the bride. Got lost on the way there from her home in Subang. She was 5 minutes late so wen let the couple after us to go first. My bro's best man, James was there and his good friend Ling ling. After all the commotion and running up and down, finally they registered and officially married! Well, almost officially~

Well, then I had my trials exams and all. Then, big day is coming. spent two sleepless night trying to edit and and do video for my bro's wedding night cause the dumb photographer do not provide this service. And my brother has no idea how to make a video. Great. So put in pictures put in song. edit fix. Final product! Awesome. ^^ But I can't upload it here because of some reason the Blog don't let me to.
All the busy preparation and rushing here and there finally ended. Sort of~
The night before,
Had a buffet dinner in my house where we invited neighbours. When the party almost ended I went out with my brother to lead his friend,James back to the house as he has not come to our house before. In the end, James left to go to Subang(Jess's home) for I dunno what reason. Everyone went to bed by 12midnight after cleaning and washing up. I was still awake around 2am trying to dry my hair and polishing my nails. Where I actually fell asleep on the floor while waiting for my nails to dry. haha
Woke up Early in the morning to prepare to go and fetch the bride. ^^ wore nice dress, heals and no make up. hehe. I was sure I was going to sweat so no make up~! We made our way to Jess's house. Nick in the nice Benz which my dad's best friend borrowed  us whereas I was in Jame's car. And Nick's other friends Lionel and another guy I do not know him was in the other. So sad so little car following I was suppose to drive! hmpph~ When we reached over to Jess's home, they had games for the heng dai's and all the laughter. Finally, got to meet with the beautiful bride and all was good.

After the chinese traditions then we left for home with the bride! All the honking and more cars following us back this time! it was great and felt nice. All in all when we reached home tea ceremony was once again done to respect the elderly in our side of the family.

 After the ceremony was done and everybody left, we had our lunch at 2pm and rushed to bathe and remove make up and pack up for the dinner at night. we were supposed to reach the restaurant by 4pm so that Jess jie can start putting on her make up but due to rain and traffic we only reach there  at about 4.30pm. Mum had her make up done by the make up artist first so I can set up the table for reception later on. We check that the videos and music were perfect before I went for my make up! It was cool getting make-up by a professional for the first time.. Really made my day when the make up and hair styling turned out well.. The dinner was smooth with little hiccups and I guess everybody enjoyed themselves. A lot of aunties and uncles asked me who am I, because they are so used to see me without make up and straight hair.. LOL.. awkward moments.. Eventhough I had to call for 'yum seng' session, the most embarassing moment ever plus because of my St. John training last time, it was a looooooong and loouuuudddd, "yum seng". haha,. It was good.. haha.. As long as my brother and sister in law is happy everything is fine. :) happy ever after? we'll see but I just wish them well and May God bless them always... Thank you God for such a loving sister in law. now I have a sister... ^^

Snowflake.

[Verse 1] 
It gets a little colder 
All the leaves are gone 
And it feels like it's freezing cold 
Right down to the bone 

I really wanna see you 
I Wanna let you know 
On this snowy christmas day 
baby I'm coming home 

[Pre-chorus] 
I don't need no presents 
You are all that i need 

[Chorus] 
Snowflakes fall in the winter 
But you're the one to catch my eye 
You light up the sky when you shimmer 
Outshine the snowy white 

If I could pull you out of the sky 
On this Christmas day 
In my eyes 
You're the only snowflake 

[Verse 2] 
It gets a little sweeter 
When I see your face 
This year we're making 
Memories that can't be erased 

Waiting for you to join me 
Under the mistletoe 
It finally feels like it's christmas 
(any)Where you are is my home 

All I want for Christmas this year 
Is to be with you, hold you close 
You are one in a million 
You're my only snowflake

Last Day of College and Farewell for Ms Ng (1 Dec 2012)

        It was nostalgic as it was already the last two days of college. It's been a long and hard journey but the journey is has come to and end. The extended semester is a memorable semester. There are those who has helped me so much and there are also those who has mocked me and made me a stronger person. Thank for those who have always encouraged me all the time. Thank you to my loved ones and most of all my besties and buddies who have supported me all the way eventhough we're miles apart. ^^  One thing I'm gonna miss most is the sweet S1207beta people whom I've grown to be so close to and the sweetness of their smiles. They did not look down on me eventhough I was repeating another semester but they have helped me and also gave me the chance to help them and in turn learn more about myself. The sweet smarite pants Jeynn, Jamie and Wei Laing has helped me sooo soo much especially Jeynn. The sweet Jing Yi, Yi Zi, Yu Yan are so sweet to me and they are such best friends.. The sweetest of all Char Lie and Lisha who has been nothing but fun. laughter and my sweet tooth and dessert provider. ^^ hahaa.. I'm gonna miss them soo soo much..

     Ms Ng Shu Von my chemistry teacher for 4 semester who has helped me out so much and never gave up on me is leaving the college as well. She will be going back to Singapore to teach and I will miss her too. We actually had a farewell party for her at Shabu One on 1st Dec at Lot 10 and we also went shopping at H&M together. haha.. It's been 2 years since I entered college and she has helped me time and again eventhough I've been nothing but a failure all the time. She didn't give up on me. But she helped me so much especially this 4th semester where I struggle to redo both my AS ad A2 papers all at once. She is an awesome lecturer and she is nothing but sweet and knowledgeable. She is not only a bookworm. She is one awesome athlete. She runs in all the marathon and gets medals man.. I envy her soo much. ^^ I hope she'll enjoy her life back at Singapore and may we meet again in the near future.

My Gains, My Loss and My Toughest times.

It's been a long long time since I last posted up anything. Been really busy catching up with time. Had a rough start at the beginning of my 4th semester journey. Tried to be the best among the best. Tried to do everything with y own strength and most of all tried to be perfect! I learnt a lot the past few months and God had helped me out a lot through out my journey without me realizing it..^^ We'll have  a short story of each case scenario for this whole year. ^^ my gains and my loss and my toughest times.. ^^

1) CF Camp

Since the beginning of this semester I had a rough time staying back almost everyday. Not only doing things for cf camp but other stuff as well but I didn't realize I didn't do it for God but for my own glory. In the midst of it, I tried to involve myself with love stories and stupid rumours all due plain naive-ness and listening to my heart and not God. I'm in charge of registration so basically I just have to prepare registration forms, give it out. collect them with cash of at east rm160 per person. So nothing was coming the way I planned it as everything has it's own issues whether it is the person handling it or the person helping to do it. So I took back the trust which I gave them and did it myself. So that I wouldn't look bad if it doesn't get done on time. Again with the fact I didn't pray enough and depend on God. Then it came to the point where it was my breaking point with the stress level high as Qualifying Test was there the week before camp and everything is NOT ready yet. I panicked. I flunked my tests. I failed my job and I felt I failed God as he gave me such an important task to do. Then we all sat and pray and guess what. God helped us through and all preparations was done. So we thought. Day 1, bus was late, hot, tired, angry,stressed, no co-operation and most of all not enough prayers. I blew up and I actually scolded or let go of my anger in front of people. It was bad and shameful. I really didn't care at that moment because everything was not in place already. We were late. our schedules were messed up.  I realized my mistakes that night. Make up for it and Pray. All I did that night was Pray. I cried. I shed tears. I regretted. But I can't just stay right where I am. I prayed for camp. All of s did. Thank God for his presence everyone was safe and sound and the camp went smooth eventhough there were hiccups with schedule . Day 2 received such wonderful blessing from God for the nice morning and nice weather for our games. Everything went smoothly. But there were spiritual hiccups and there issues. I cried again. Praying for a better last day. praying for God's presence to be known and to be there on our Sunday. Cried to bed while praying. Day 3 our last day. I was expected to be lashing out by some really horrible people who call themselves my friend but thank God, for controlling my temper and taking me to the mode of relax and ignore but try to be strict kind of thing. So I overheard someone say, at least she didn't lash out but it was a surprise for me that she didn't. Well what can I say, maybe that's the way God planned and help me grow.
Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will
A happy ending to a not so happy story but at least I learned a lot. And the food at El Sanctuary is awesome. Thank you Uncle Vincent and Aunty Ann and family for your hospitality and hard work. ^^  But at least I get to know a lot more people and some people may look more gentle and nicer than they actually do look. hehee.

2) Area CHarity Dinner
Basically it does not give me much challenge as i'm not involved in it physically. There are some problems due to the fact that I'm not close to some people as the rest does and also because I'm not the kind of person that likes to butter people's shoe or be an entertainment for others. It may be true friendship or it may not. I may seem like they're acting nice and all. But I can't judge people anymore. and I don't want to. It's because I'm not worthy judge. But basically it's how I do not want to be involved as much as I used to love involving in it. It may seem I'm jealous or it may also seem that I may not be the apple of the head's eye but I really am not interested in it because it does not serve the purpose of me joining it like how i used to thought of it's purpose. It's blood sucking and time consuming thing which do not benefit the community but suck the money out of them. I want to do a humanitarian job and not communication and investment. It as always that I don't go and help until last minute it's because I'm not free plus it's so far away and they hold meetings at night. How do u aspect me to come? Yes, I'm cruel. Yes, I'm lazy. Say all you want. But I have a life too. I may seem to be very free and easy going person but I have my difficulties too. Don't you understand? God thought me how to say NO for once in my life I had the courage to tell them 'no' and 'i can't do it'. And God helped me see the light that I am not fit for this job although I loved it so much once upon a time. It may seem like I'm being a whiny little brat but how it's how I view it. My point of view. Maybe they see it otherwise. I really don't know but I'm planning to fade out slowly and have my work done else where. Place where I am needed as a first aider and as volunteer! not blood sucking machine! Though I smiled though I have met friends. I cherished the old times but I dread the present time. I may have been smiling but it's not true smile like I used to.
\My last 'happy' memory.

3) College, Life and etc~
God has been very merciful to me throughout my college life this semester. I had a lot of hard times which I had to endeavour throughout this time. Basically it's simple stuff like assignments, lecture, exams and test. But it also challenges me spiritually. To put trust in God and let him be the light of my life. Struggling with friendship which are not truly friends. Which we may call it as strangers I met and started talking to but then developed a certain level of relationship and bond but we're not truly friends because we do not share that intimate friendship of being in the same class or have the same lunch break and am not able to 'click' with your group of friends. Friend may be a simple word but the meaning behind it is simple but made complicated. Friendship is all about communication, understanding and getting to know one another and started putting trust. But sometimes trust is too strong of a word and burden. So some people decides to betray trusts to lift that burden. I thought I am your friend but I no longer am.. I had the feeling of abandonment because I cannot 'click' with them eventhough I have known them for almost a year or more now.  I'm letting go of this bonding. If you want to be my friend you're always welcomed to be. I wont be the one who keeps trying. Because I'm tired. I learned to let go. Letting go doesn't mean losing but tolerating defeat and win over the fact that I've grown up. It is a good choice because I have gained knowledge and also true friends over the past few months.
MY dear sweet friends. I love you and you are dear to me. I'm good to you not because I want something in return but I just want you to know that I will be your shoulder to lean on when you need one. But will u lend me yours when I am down?

I close my post with a prayer that dear heavenly father I  pray that you would bless my friends, my family, my associates and everyone around me that they may accept the trust I give them and trust me in return because they are my treasure and I pray for their lovely smiles and wonderful hearts that they may continue to shine and be the most wonderful people I've ever known. Amen.