After the up and down the roller coaster. I finally got an answer. An answer which I'm not proud of but I'm glad and I thank God for giving me 3B's in the exam even though I feel a little disappointed bout myself for not doing better. But I hope it'll lead me to the right path. It's a journey worth while for all the experience and people I met.
Well, recently I've been quite busy as I once again stepped my foot back into my secondary school life. At first I thought it would be the same but actually it's totally different path and totally different feeling. Especially the work load and the amount of stress. Despite spending 5 stressful yet enjoyable years, this past few weeks has been more dreadful than the last 5 years.Being a teacher is not all about entering the class, press buttons, talk crap and leave. It is actually based on experience which I don't have and really a lot of work. I took over one of the teacher's job as a class teacher. a form 3 science teacher, form 4 siviks teacher and a form 5 biology teacher. I also had to take up St John teacher advisor, red hse teacher advisor and not to mention prefect's teacher's assistant=discipline teacher. It's tiring to try to keep up with students who are smarter than me and students who are hyper yet don't know how to channel their energy in a good way.
The stress is on when everyone expects a lot from me since I was tokoh pelajar and tokoh kokurikulum yet, I may not be as perfect as they think. I depend on God's strength to get through everyday and I'm praying for this 3 months to be over soon. However, sometimes I just have this crazy feeling of why don't I becoem a teacher. Made new friends with the practical teachers and also new guru ganti and an old friend Anisah. But I just want it to end because it's very energy draining job.
Basically I have nothing much to mention for my brain is already jammed up with a lot of lesson plan and events. So yea, see ya next tiem. <3 p="">
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Monday, February 4, 2013
Journey to Life
Everyone takes different roads and embarks on their own journey towards the future and everyone has their own paths and difficulties. No one has the right to tell anyone whose is better or worst than the other because you are not in that person's shoe.
A journey called life is God's gift whether it is bad or good because everyone experiences bother hardships and wonder throughout their life sooner or later. Mine started when I was 7. Before that, I was spoiled, I don't know what life is about and what hardship is because I have a loving father and mother who spoils me like crazy. But since my dad fell sick, everything turned upside down. My life started early and till now I'm still struggling as I do not have that financial income to support my studies nor do I have the capability to be the brightest student to obtain scholarships. I love my family no doubt, but there are times when I give up on them because they don't understand me. But now I'm asking myself whether I know them? Is it true that they don't understand me? I'm wrong! It is because I don't understand them! It is because I thought I'm all grown up, but actually I still act like a child because I'm still spoiled. I still get almost everything I want because it is still affordable. Recently, I demanded to study abroad or to study the most expensive course and the hardest course to obtain scholarships. Aren't I just spoiled and demanding?
The struggle of studies was when I was young. I wasn't smart nor was I hardworking. I only get top 20 no matter how hard I tried because I wasn't pressured to study. Then when my dad passed on when i was 12 also the year I had UPSR, I snapped and came to realized I must study harder. Ask me why? I really didn't know. My trials? results are crap. My weakest subject was maths and science. I prayed and I prayed. God answered my prayers even at that time when I didn't who Christ was. I mourned over my dad's passing and cried. I knew if I don't do well I won't do good. during the exams, I was given help and courage. I didn't know who it was until now. It's God who loves me no matter what. I scored so well I got 5A's. It's a miracle and a dream come true for me that time cause it was the toughest thing I've ever done then.
It marked the beginning of a whole new path when I started secondary school. I had so much confidence and pride. I didn't know how to tone down. I was arrogant and selfish. Everything I did was for me eventhough I said it was for this or that person. I hurt the person who loved me genuinely to keep me safe. It hurt me too but I know it hurt him more. I'm sorry doesn't work. Studies wasn't any of a problem with tuition and all. My extra curricular activities were spot on. I excelled in both St John's as a first aider and competitor. But I lack communication with seniors and I don't have the luxury to go out as often as the rest so I'm left out. But despite being left out, I worked hard to improve and aimed so high and so much. I wanted to be the best in everything and win everything. I've missed the window of opportunity to be close my friends and family during my adolescence. I've won every competition. I was one of the non malays who had the highest post in all that I do. God's grace had given me chance to be in Internationals, National, State and Divisional activities in my St John involvements, Chess, Badminton, Tae Kwan Do, English, Science and all others. I only realize in form 5 that the most important thing is not certs and trophies but friends and loved ones. I had that time of correction to love my friends that I have and I tried patching up holes and gaps in my friendships and relationships. But it was too late for something I guess because the damage is done. There will always be a big hole whether or not I try as hard as I can. Again and again I was helped throughout my studies. I'm not intelligent but I was given help and love. Friends and family and God's gift of wisdom and courage which comes every time I need it most. When my secondary school life ended, I had a handful of wonderful best friends and a file of certificates which marks my experiences and achievements.
College and Universities~ It's not easy. I was interviewed for so many courses and I went exploring in so many colleges but none of it fits what I expected. Until the day, my childhood friend suddenly talked to me out of no where and told me to check out Methodist College Kuala Lumpur. I was like what college? I've never heard of it before? You sure it exists? Ironically when I reached MCKL, I had this feeling that I must study here and no where else. Indeed I did not make a wrong choice because of the experiences I had. The fact that God lead me there and gave me the opportunity no know Him. I was proud to be a daughter of God but until now, I don't know how to tell it to my mom as she still objects to it. I had a bunch of awesome 1103beta friends who have such open mind and such loving hearts who shares every drop of love and knowledge. They were my treasure and my gift. We struggled together. We loved together. Most of all we shared same hardships and same experience together where nobody else can experience. I may have fell so hard that I cried and humbled down. I realize sometimes we rely of God and not myself. It helped me and brought me up. I may have fell but I've learn to stand again with God and it is for my own good. I have been looked after and been lifted up. Opened my eyes to a whole new perspective. My seniors, my juniors, and my friends, my lecturers and the staff have been God's angels that have been there throughout my life. Even till now, I may not have the best result but I am still loved. I may still have high hopes to become a doctor, I just want to walked the path God leads me to. For now, I will stick to what I know and feel like doing because God will lead me through. I know that and I know that the day will come when my fate to university and life comes when God opens that door of fate for me..
I have fell for people who only loves me as a friend but I thought differently. I made choices and loved them in a wrong way causing me to hate them and lose a friend. I came to realize at the timed I needed them most. I've had so much hatred I loved wrongly. I was stupid and I know that God and studies comes first. When the time is right true love and true relationship will come but only God knows when. I should be me and love me and love everyone as a friend until that day comes. I should stop thinking things which are irrelevant and trying so hard to impress. Be me and be loved for me. Not searching and not trying maybe the hardest thing to do for me but I know time will come. I must have faith and hope for a better tomorrow.
The journey of my life is not to a halt yet and it has many more years and experience to come, but now enjoy and love life. Be the person who God wants me to be and love every soul that is in my life for I do not have a time machine to go back in time to love people who I missed and overlook. I may seem harsh on the outside and say things that are harsh. I may say things out of anger. I may do wrong things out of anger. But I still love you and I still love life. Crying and struggles and part of life's journey and I will overcome more of it in the future with God's help.
Live life, Love life for life is a gift and every opportunity only comes once... <3 p="">
A journey called life is God's gift whether it is bad or good because everyone experiences bother hardships and wonder throughout their life sooner or later. Mine started when I was 7. Before that, I was spoiled, I don't know what life is about and what hardship is because I have a loving father and mother who spoils me like crazy. But since my dad fell sick, everything turned upside down. My life started early and till now I'm still struggling as I do not have that financial income to support my studies nor do I have the capability to be the brightest student to obtain scholarships. I love my family no doubt, but there are times when I give up on them because they don't understand me. But now I'm asking myself whether I know them? Is it true that they don't understand me? I'm wrong! It is because I don't understand them! It is because I thought I'm all grown up, but actually I still act like a child because I'm still spoiled. I still get almost everything I want because it is still affordable. Recently, I demanded to study abroad or to study the most expensive course and the hardest course to obtain scholarships. Aren't I just spoiled and demanding?
The struggle of studies was when I was young. I wasn't smart nor was I hardworking. I only get top 20 no matter how hard I tried because I wasn't pressured to study. Then when my dad passed on when i was 12 also the year I had UPSR, I snapped and came to realized I must study harder. Ask me why? I really didn't know. My trials? results are crap. My weakest subject was maths and science. I prayed and I prayed. God answered my prayers even at that time when I didn't who Christ was. I mourned over my dad's passing and cried. I knew if I don't do well I won't do good. during the exams, I was given help and courage. I didn't know who it was until now. It's God who loves me no matter what. I scored so well I got 5A's. It's a miracle and a dream come true for me that time cause it was the toughest thing I've ever done then.
It marked the beginning of a whole new path when I started secondary school. I had so much confidence and pride. I didn't know how to tone down. I was arrogant and selfish. Everything I did was for me eventhough I said it was for this or that person. I hurt the person who loved me genuinely to keep me safe. It hurt me too but I know it hurt him more. I'm sorry doesn't work. Studies wasn't any of a problem with tuition and all. My extra curricular activities were spot on. I excelled in both St John's as a first aider and competitor. But I lack communication with seniors and I don't have the luxury to go out as often as the rest so I'm left out. But despite being left out, I worked hard to improve and aimed so high and so much. I wanted to be the best in everything and win everything. I've missed the window of opportunity to be close my friends and family during my adolescence. I've won every competition. I was one of the non malays who had the highest post in all that I do. God's grace had given me chance to be in Internationals, National, State and Divisional activities in my St John involvements, Chess, Badminton, Tae Kwan Do, English, Science and all others. I only realize in form 5 that the most important thing is not certs and trophies but friends and loved ones. I had that time of correction to love my friends that I have and I tried patching up holes and gaps in my friendships and relationships. But it was too late for something I guess because the damage is done. There will always be a big hole whether or not I try as hard as I can. Again and again I was helped throughout my studies. I'm not intelligent but I was given help and love. Friends and family and God's gift of wisdom and courage which comes every time I need it most. When my secondary school life ended, I had a handful of wonderful best friends and a file of certificates which marks my experiences and achievements.
College and Universities~ It's not easy. I was interviewed for so many courses and I went exploring in so many colleges but none of it fits what I expected. Until the day, my childhood friend suddenly talked to me out of no where and told me to check out Methodist College Kuala Lumpur. I was like what college? I've never heard of it before? You sure it exists? Ironically when I reached MCKL, I had this feeling that I must study here and no where else. Indeed I did not make a wrong choice because of the experiences I had. The fact that God lead me there and gave me the opportunity no know Him. I was proud to be a daughter of God but until now, I don't know how to tell it to my mom as she still objects to it. I had a bunch of awesome 1103beta friends who have such open mind and such loving hearts who shares every drop of love and knowledge. They were my treasure and my gift. We struggled together. We loved together. Most of all we shared same hardships and same experience together where nobody else can experience. I may have fell so hard that I cried and humbled down. I realize sometimes we rely of God and not myself. It helped me and brought me up. I may have fell but I've learn to stand again with God and it is for my own good. I have been looked after and been lifted up. Opened my eyes to a whole new perspective. My seniors, my juniors, and my friends, my lecturers and the staff have been God's angels that have been there throughout my life. Even till now, I may not have the best result but I am still loved. I may still have high hopes to become a doctor, I just want to walked the path God leads me to. For now, I will stick to what I know and feel like doing because God will lead me through. I know that and I know that the day will come when my fate to university and life comes when God opens that door of fate for me..
I have fell for people who only loves me as a friend but I thought differently. I made choices and loved them in a wrong way causing me to hate them and lose a friend. I came to realize at the timed I needed them most. I've had so much hatred I loved wrongly. I was stupid and I know that God and studies comes first. When the time is right true love and true relationship will come but only God knows when. I should be me and love me and love everyone as a friend until that day comes. I should stop thinking things which are irrelevant and trying so hard to impress. Be me and be loved for me. Not searching and not trying maybe the hardest thing to do for me but I know time will come. I must have faith and hope for a better tomorrow.
The journey of my life is not to a halt yet and it has many more years and experience to come, but now enjoy and love life. Be the person who God wants me to be and love every soul that is in my life for I do not have a time machine to go back in time to love people who I missed and overlook. I may seem harsh on the outside and say things that are harsh. I may say things out of anger. I may do wrong things out of anger. But I still love you and I still love life. Crying and struggles and part of life's journey and I will overcome more of it in the future with God's help.
Live life, Love life for life is a gift and every opportunity only comes once... <3 p="">
Thursday, January 31, 2013
My New Year of 2013
Hi.. It's been ages since I actually posted recent happenings due to exams and stuff but I hope it's not too late.. New year~ New resolutions~ and a fresh start.. I'm gonna be 20 soon. oops.. Getting OLD.. But anyway, New Year's Eve was spent with my best friends and best buddies. ^^ We had dinner at Wing's Cafe and then we moved to another placed to play Pool and have a less noisy environment. They had a third round after the Pool and countdown session. I went home early because of my own safety as I am driving alone and I know my mom won't sleep until I'm home unless someone fetches me.. LOL..
After that new year's eve celebration, it was an all out war for Edexcel exams on 7th January which was my first paper and it was Biology 3 and so on for the rest of the month. There were times that I actually wanted to give up, times where I cried, times where I was too stresses out to even do anything else. There are also times where I wasted doing nothing when I could have studied. But thank God that he always blessed me and always helped me. despite not being to tell me himself about His love and His guidance, he sent his angels to help me.. Thank you my dearest friends, Elizabeth and Wilic who helped me out so much for all last minute revisions, Tzi Qing(in US) & Shen Wen(in US), Kenny(in HK), Max, Dixon, Yu Xiang, Mike, Esther, Stephanie, Sheau Huei, Bee Teng, Mei Kee, Joey and all my beloved friends I could not name for being so supportive , for listening to me fret and being naggy and also withstanding my whiny and emo self.. God was gracious and merciful for He helped me, protected me, guided me and He was my salt and my light when it was dark.. The greatest testimony for God is when results come and I hope all the hardwork and sweat will pay off. Last but not least my family..
Now that exam is over, It's time to party and get ready for Chinese New Year... And time to get to my other New Year Resolutions....
1) Work Hard for exams = Checked!
2) Spend more time with God = Checking~
3) Stop thinking bout Relationships and Being love Sick = NOT check~
4) Uni Applications = On de way~
5) Love more and hate less. = working on it..
6) Don't be so emotional = Working on it~
7) still thinking bout more resolutions... hehehe..
I'm always fallen in love easily maybe it's not called love but sudden attraction. I It causes a lot of misunderstandings, causing much damage to both my friendship and sister-brother bond. The trust is lost and hard to gain back. I'm trying to control but it's a long and hard work. I try not to get to attached but it's very hard when you think of that person Day and Night. What is he doing? Is he Ok? What is he thinking about?? One sided much.. but it's me.. Trying to shake it off~ I don't want to lose another friend especially not you. Because you have made me laughed in moments that I'm down and supported me a lot. You've been sweet but you are treating me as a friend. I must not think too much and fall! Jia you. You can do it Pauline Chen!! Pray more.. :(
Just ending the blog with a word of thanks and love. ^^
After that new year's eve celebration, it was an all out war for Edexcel exams on 7th January which was my first paper and it was Biology 3 and so on for the rest of the month. There were times that I actually wanted to give up, times where I cried, times where I was too stresses out to even do anything else. There are also times where I wasted doing nothing when I could have studied. But thank God that he always blessed me and always helped me. despite not being to tell me himself about His love and His guidance, he sent his angels to help me.. Thank you my dearest friends, Elizabeth and Wilic who helped me out so much for all last minute revisions, Tzi Qing(in US) & Shen Wen(in US), Kenny(in HK), Max, Dixon, Yu Xiang, Mike, Esther, Stephanie, Sheau Huei, Bee Teng, Mei Kee, Joey and all my beloved friends I could not name for being so supportive , for listening to me fret and being naggy and also withstanding my whiny and emo self.. God was gracious and merciful for He helped me, protected me, guided me and He was my salt and my light when it was dark.. The greatest testimony for God is when results come and I hope all the hardwork and sweat will pay off. Last but not least my family..
Now that exam is over, It's time to party and get ready for Chinese New Year... And time to get to my other New Year Resolutions....
1) Work Hard for exams = Checked!
2) Spend more time with God = Checking~
3) Stop thinking bout Relationships and Being love Sick = NOT check~
4) Uni Applications = On de way~
5) Love more and hate less. = working on it..
6) Don't be so emotional = Working on it~
7) still thinking bout more resolutions... hehehe..
I'm always fallen in love easily maybe it's not called love but sudden attraction. I It causes a lot of misunderstandings, causing much damage to both my friendship and sister-brother bond. The trust is lost and hard to gain back. I'm trying to control but it's a long and hard work. I try not to get to attached but it's very hard when you think of that person Day and Night. What is he doing? Is he Ok? What is he thinking about?? One sided much.. but it's me.. Trying to shake it off~ I don't want to lose another friend especially not you. Because you have made me laughed in moments that I'm down and supported me a lot. You've been sweet but you are treating me as a friend. I must not think too much and fall! Jia you. You can do it Pauline Chen!! Pray more.. :(
Just ending the blog with a word of thanks and love. ^^
Nick's (my bro) R.O.M. , Pre Wedding Night and Wedding day and Wedding Dinner. ^^
Sorry for not updating for sooo long~ Bro's wedding was over like a month ago. But it felt like it was yesterday.
My brother and his lovely wife Jess Tam finally got married and I am so lucky to have a sister now. ^^ One more person to love and spoil me. haha. Yes she does spoil me a lot because she loves what I love. So we share the same sentiment in eating and enjoying life. muahahhaa...
Well talking about their wedding, it was awesome. They had their Registration of Marriage(ROM) at Thean Hou Temple in Brickfields. All were in place except for the bride. Got lost on the way there from her home in Subang. She was 5 minutes late so wen let the couple after us to go first. My bro's best man, James was there and his good friend Ling ling. After all the commotion and running up and down, finally they registered and officially married! Well, almost officially~
Well, then I had my trials exams and all. Then, big day is coming. spent two sleepless night trying to edit and and do video for my bro's wedding night cause the dumb photographer do not provide this service. And my brother has no idea how to make a video. Great. So put in pictures put in song. edit fix. Final product! Awesome. ^^ But I can't upload it here because of some reason the Blog don't let me to.
All the busy preparation and rushing here and there finally ended. Sort of~
The night before,
Had a buffet dinner in my house where we invited neighbours. When the party almost ended I went out with my brother to lead his friend,James back to the house as he has not come to our house before. In the end, James left to go to Subang(Jess's home) for I dunno what reason. Everyone went to bed by 12midnight after cleaning and washing up. I was still awake around 2am trying to dry my hair and polishing my nails. Where I actually fell asleep on the floor while waiting for my nails to dry. haha
Woke up Early in the morning to prepare to go and fetch the bride. ^^ wore nice dress, heals and no make up. hehe. I was sure I was going to sweat so no make up~! We made our way to Jess's house. Nick in the nice Benz which my dad's best friend borrowed us whereas I was in Jame's car. And Nick's other friends Lionel and another guy I do not know him was in the other. So sad so little car following I was suppose to drive! hmpph~ When we reached over to Jess's home, they had games for the heng dai's and all the laughter. Finally, got to meet with the beautiful bride and all was good.
After the chinese traditions then we left for home with the bride! All the honking and more cars following us back this time! it was great and felt nice. All in all when we reached home tea ceremony was once again done to respect the elderly in our side of the family.
After the ceremony was done and everybody left, we had our lunch at 2pm and rushed to bathe and remove make up and pack up for the dinner at night. we were supposed to reach the restaurant by 4pm so that Jess jie can start putting on her make up but due to rain and traffic we only reach there at about 4.30pm. Mum had her make up done by the make up artist first so I can set up the table for reception later on. We check that the videos and music were perfect before I went for my make up! It was cool getting make-up by a professional for the first time.. Really made my day when the make up and hair styling turned out well.. The dinner was smooth with little hiccups and I guess everybody enjoyed themselves. A lot of aunties and uncles asked me who am I, because they are so used to see me without make up and straight hair.. LOL.. awkward moments.. Eventhough I had to call for 'yum seng' session, the most embarassing moment ever plus because of my St. John training last time, it was a looooooong and loouuuudddd, "yum seng". haha,. It was good.. haha.. As long as my brother and sister in law is happy everything is fine. :) happy ever after? we'll see but I just wish them well and May God bless them always... Thank you God for such a loving sister in law. now I have a sister... ^^
My brother and his lovely wife Jess Tam finally got married and I am so lucky to have a sister now. ^^ One more person to love and spoil me. haha. Yes she does spoil me a lot because she loves what I love. So we share the same sentiment in eating and enjoying life. muahahhaa...
Well talking about their wedding, it was awesome. They had their Registration of Marriage(ROM) at Thean Hou Temple in Brickfields. All were in place except for the bride. Got lost on the way there from her home in Subang. She was 5 minutes late so wen let the couple after us to go first. My bro's best man, James was there and his good friend Ling ling. After all the commotion and running up and down, finally they registered and officially married! Well, almost officially~
Well, then I had my trials exams and all. Then, big day is coming. spent two sleepless night trying to edit and and do video for my bro's wedding night cause the dumb photographer do not provide this service. And my brother has no idea how to make a video. Great. So put in pictures put in song. edit fix. Final product! Awesome. ^^ But I can't upload it here because of some reason the Blog don't let me to.
All the busy preparation and rushing here and there finally ended. Sort of~
The night before,
Had a buffet dinner in my house where we invited neighbours. When the party almost ended I went out with my brother to lead his friend,James back to the house as he has not come to our house before. In the end, James left to go to Subang(Jess's home) for I dunno what reason. Everyone went to bed by 12midnight after cleaning and washing up. I was still awake around 2am trying to dry my hair and polishing my nails. Where I actually fell asleep on the floor while waiting for my nails to dry. haha
Woke up Early in the morning to prepare to go and fetch the bride. ^^ wore nice dress, heals and no make up. hehe. I was sure I was going to sweat so no make up~! We made our way to Jess's house. Nick in the nice Benz which my dad's best friend borrowed us whereas I was in Jame's car. And Nick's other friends Lionel and another guy I do not know him was in the other. So sad so little car following I was suppose to drive! hmpph~ When we reached over to Jess's home, they had games for the heng dai's and all the laughter. Finally, got to meet with the beautiful bride and all was good.
After the chinese traditions then we left for home with the bride! All the honking and more cars following us back this time! it was great and felt nice. All in all when we reached home tea ceremony was once again done to respect the elderly in our side of the family.
After the ceremony was done and everybody left, we had our lunch at 2pm and rushed to bathe and remove make up and pack up for the dinner at night. we were supposed to reach the restaurant by 4pm so that Jess jie can start putting on her make up but due to rain and traffic we only reach there at about 4.30pm. Mum had her make up done by the make up artist first so I can set up the table for reception later on. We check that the videos and music were perfect before I went for my make up! It was cool getting make-up by a professional for the first time.. Really made my day when the make up and hair styling turned out well.. The dinner was smooth with little hiccups and I guess everybody enjoyed themselves. A lot of aunties and uncles asked me who am I, because they are so used to see me without make up and straight hair.. LOL.. awkward moments.. Eventhough I had to call for 'yum seng' session, the most embarassing moment ever plus because of my St. John training last time, it was a looooooong and loouuuudddd, "yum seng". haha,. It was good.. haha.. As long as my brother and sister in law is happy everything is fine. :) happy ever after? we'll see but I just wish them well and May God bless them always... Thank you God for such a loving sister in law. now I have a sister... ^^
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Snowflake.
[Verse 1]
It gets a little colder
All the leaves are gone
And it feels like it's freezing cold
Right down to the bone
I really wanna see you
I Wanna let you know
On this snowy christmas day
baby I'm coming home
[Pre-chorus]
I don't need no presents
You are all that i need
[Chorus]
Snowflakes fall in the winter
But you're the one to catch my eye
You light up the sky when you shimmer
Outshine the snowy white
If I could pull you out of the sky
On this Christmas day
In my eyes
You're the only snowflake
[Verse 2]
It gets a little sweeter
When I see your face
This year we're making
Memories that can't be erased
Waiting for you to join me
Under the mistletoe
It finally feels like it's christmas
(any)Where you are is my home
All I want for Christmas this year
Is to be with you, hold you close
You are one in a million
You're my only snowflake
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