Monday, December 13, 2010
Missing.....
I thought I finally found the missing piece... But its just the fragments of it that I've found... Or it might just be my imaginations... I've finally realised that life is not as simple as it seems... There are more to it than meets the eye... There are things that I couldn't see and feel.. But its there... The truth that I seek will never appear if I didn't search deep enough.. But now I know, the only truth i that i was imaginating too much... There is only friendship... no other.... A big mistake and the worst mistake of telling... Its also wrong from hiding it last time.. Its just silly of me... But its the truth that I've to face....
Watching years pass, watching you there, watching you grow to be a better person.... I'll only be able to watch,... I won't be able to be there for you or to be part of it.. Because I'm just an ordinary friend that you may soon forget because you've found the most important person in your life that can be with you and be there for you.... I've to accept it... It was my fault that I let go... So its your life now... I'm envious but happy for though it hurts inside.. I was just hoping for another chance but its too late...
The piece that i threw away will remain missing forever.. till the day I achieved my 下一站莘福。。。。 There'll always be a hole and a fragment missing from my life... Total happiness won't come flying.. But it is to be achieved. I've to change what I am to what I will be and not the one I am now... Change for a better... Watching dramas are just fantasies... Happy endings and sad climax are just in a movie...Only acted out and written out by script writers.... I shouldn't be so naive to believe that it would come true and there is such thing as replay,repeat or pause... or even stop now continue later... I should be more than awake now.. I should live life that is hard and real... no more virtual and imaginative life... Once it passed... there will not be a next stop....It is not like missing a bus you can take the next... Life is hard and it waits for no one and there will not be another chance....
Studies and Work will be the next target.. I should leave all the unhappy moments behind but remember and cherish the happy moments i've had before... I will not forget those who have been helping me and supporting me all these while... I'll not forget those who have hated and pin pointed at me... This is not because I would like to have revenge but its to thank them.. Or else, I wouldn't have been successful.. Because what I've achieved is for them to see that I'm better than them and I can do better than them at anytime just say the word...
Millions of hopes are crushed almost every second in this world... I won't be the one who get my hopes and dreams crushed... I'll maintain my strength and courage to fight on.. Even if it does crushes my hopes and dreams, I will fight on because it is not the end.. There will be other opportunities waiting for me to grasp them. Meaningful life to lead ahead even without the other half of myself being there for me.. maybe the other half would appear in the time i need most in the future.. But i know its not now....
Watching years pass, watching you there, watching you grow to be a better person.... I'll only be able to watch,... I won't be able to be there for you or to be part of it.. Because I'm just an ordinary friend that you may soon forget because you've found the most important person in your life that can be with you and be there for you.... I've to accept it... It was my fault that I let go... So its your life now... I'm envious but happy for though it hurts inside.. I was just hoping for another chance but its too late...
The piece that i threw away will remain missing forever.. till the day I achieved my 下一站莘福。。。。 There'll always be a hole and a fragment missing from my life... Total happiness won't come flying.. But it is to be achieved. I've to change what I am to what I will be and not the one I am now... Change for a better... Watching dramas are just fantasies... Happy endings and sad climax are just in a movie...Only acted out and written out by script writers.... I shouldn't be so naive to believe that it would come true and there is such thing as replay,repeat or pause... or even stop now continue later... I should be more than awake now.. I should live life that is hard and real... no more virtual and imaginative life... Once it passed... there will not be a next stop....It is not like missing a bus you can take the next... Life is hard and it waits for no one and there will not be another chance....
Studies and Work will be the next target.. I should leave all the unhappy moments behind but remember and cherish the happy moments i've had before... I will not forget those who have been helping me and supporting me all these while... I'll not forget those who have hated and pin pointed at me... This is not because I would like to have revenge but its to thank them.. Or else, I wouldn't have been successful.. Because what I've achieved is for them to see that I'm better than them and I can do better than them at anytime just say the word...
Millions of hopes are crushed almost every second in this world... I won't be the one who get my hopes and dreams crushed... I'll maintain my strength and courage to fight on.. Even if it does crushes my hopes and dreams, I will fight on because it is not the end.. There will be other opportunities waiting for me to grasp them. Meaningful life to lead ahead even without the other half of myself being there for me.. maybe the other half would appear in the time i need most in the future.. But i know its not now....
Friday, December 10, 2010
莘福。。。。。
莘福是什么？？ 莘福存在吗？？
I know it is not true... happiness won't come looking for us but we have to search for it... But...the consequences are too great.. The suffering are far too great... I want to let it out.. but to whom i can say it out to??? SOme feelings can't be expressed.... I can't tell everything out... There are too many secrets in me... I can't just say it all at once.. Even if i say it out... its not everything i wan to express... there are still much more behind the curtain....
I know it is not true... happiness won't come looking for us but we have to search for it... But...the consequences are too great.. The suffering are far too great... I want to let it out.. but to whom i can say it out to??? SOme feelings can't be expressed.... I can't tell everything out... There are too many secrets in me... I can't just say it all at once.. Even if i say it out... its not everything i wan to express... there are still much more behind the curtain....
Thursday, November 25, 2010
The End of a tiring life... but the beginning of a new lifestyle...
Its been such a long time since I've written here... Many things happened this few months.. Things which I can never forget... Memories which will stay in my heart whether its good or bad....
The good memory is that I've received so many rewards... The tokoh kokurikulum and tokoh pelajar award 'seri bestari' during graduation.... Graduation is quite boring actually. the only fun part is that I can spend my time with my dear friends which i will be separated from after school life ends... The teacher who had been so nice to me will be missed dearly too.... But most of all is the freedom of school life that will be missed as leaving school means a new life and I have to adapt myself with a whole new environment... I will also miss my st john llife as leaving school also means leaving behind my st john life along with my prefect life.. Thought it has been a burden that I shoulder, it has been part of my life for 5 years and its hard to let go.. even now.... Leaving highschool as means leaving the little kids puppy love that I have been experiencing all this while... Flashing back so much.. I realize I've been really doing many stupid things and to get stressed and cry over little things like puppy love and work is quite stupid.. a long distance relationship wont last. why did i even think of having one... Even the close relationship never work out... why would long term work?? In addittion, fear and no confidence is the biggest challenge that has to be overcomed which I might never recover from the last incident....
Bad memories will not fade but it is shadowed by the happy memories that flood my life.... My experiences in all kinds of fields from international to country life or survival skills thought me a little something bout life.... 'Life as we know it, is tough but when the going gets tough, the tough must get going'. Knowing something like a secret which nobody knows of, I learn to shut my self out and not letting anyone know my feelings... but somehow it just leaks out like water from the unsealed door of my heart... But to know the truth is better than only knowing the surface cracks.... I really was naive but I still miss the old days not now....
There is more to life than meets the eye. When this journey comes to and end on 20th dec, my life will me a new change and I have to be ready for the challenges ahead... National Service is the next stop followed on with college and university life... But now. I have to concentrate on my SPM.. The first week is over and language paper was easy but history paper is history for me.... the challenge only gets tougher with add maths, biology, physics and chemistry... Its all for now.... I will update soon enough....
These are the memories of graduation..... following will be the memories of last day of school life....
The good memory is that I've received so many rewards... The tokoh kokurikulum and tokoh pelajar award 'seri bestari' during graduation.... Graduation is quite boring actually. the only fun part is that I can spend my time with my dear friends which i will be separated from after school life ends... The teacher who had been so nice to me will be missed dearly too.... But most of all is the freedom of school life that will be missed as leaving school means a new life and I have to adapt myself with a whole new environment... I will also miss my st john llife as leaving school also means leaving behind my st john life along with my prefect life.. Thought it has been a burden that I shoulder, it has been part of my life for 5 years and its hard to let go.. even now.... Leaving highschool as means leaving the little kids puppy love that I have been experiencing all this while... Flashing back so much.. I realize I've been really doing many stupid things and to get stressed and cry over little things like puppy love and work is quite stupid.. a long distance relationship wont last. why did i even think of having one... Even the close relationship never work out... why would long term work?? In addittion, fear and no confidence is the biggest challenge that has to be overcomed which I might never recover from the last incident....
Bad memories will not fade but it is shadowed by the happy memories that flood my life.... My experiences in all kinds of fields from international to country life or survival skills thought me a little something bout life.... 'Life as we know it, is tough but when the going gets tough, the tough must get going'. Knowing something like a secret which nobody knows of, I learn to shut my self out and not letting anyone know my feelings... but somehow it just leaks out like water from the unsealed door of my heart... But to know the truth is better than only knowing the surface cracks.... I really was naive but I still miss the old days not now....
There is more to life than meets the eye. When this journey comes to and end on 20th dec, my life will me a new change and I have to be ready for the challenges ahead... National Service is the next stop followed on with college and university life... But now. I have to concentrate on my SPM.. The first week is over and language paper was easy but history paper is history for me.... the challenge only gets tougher with add maths, biology, physics and chemistry... Its all for now.... I will update soon enough....
These are the memories of graduation..... following will be the memories of last day of school life....
My sweet but short school life ends there..... but sweet memories lasts forever....
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