我很想念你。
我以为我能 忘记你。
All I could think about is you.. I can't seem to erase you out of my mind yet it seems you have already erased me out of yours.It seems I no longer exist in your world... You were nothing but a friend to me at first. Then why did I fall for you? Is it your sweet words or your sweet gestures.. I don't know.. But I know that I was only a friend to you. I know nothing could happen between us.. The gap between is so far.
At first I thought I could just put aside everything and just concentrate on being myself and study hard. But yet everytime I think of studying.. I think of you.. This two days which I have been sick with conjunctivitis... I stayed at home... The moment of silence this two days really got me thinking... All along I was just masking my feelings and telling myself that I've no feelings towards you.. I throw tantrum on facebook.. I say stupid things... But all I do and all I can think about is you... Yet.. do you care? I said I would grow up... But growing up is hard... Being matured all the time is tough.. Even being matured I need time and space to cry. I need someone's shoulder to cry on.. Yet the only thing I get when I cry is my pillow.. U said you would be my shield.. you said you would be wall.. yet those those were empty words which has no meaning but flirting is it true? I want to believe that its not... Yet you won't tell me if its true.. Come to think of it.. You've never open up to me.. not even once.. Maybe its because you don't trust me enough... Because I'm not the one..
我想太多了。我的错. 是我误会了你对我的友谊.
It has never been your fault. Yet I put all the blame on you. Its has always been my fault and my stupid thinking that got me into this.. Your a nice person.. All I want to remember is all the good memories of you and all the happy moments which you gave me... I'll erase all the bad ones which may have just been created by my own stupidity as to you ignoring me but in fact its just that I'm too sensitive. I'm being a brat and and an ignorant fool who is being in love with someone who is just being nice to me. >< All I can do now is just hope for the best and maybe one day the true person will come into my life like what God has planned. And not imaginary ones. I guess you still are important to me. But I'm just lying to myself.
Even till today, I have not forgotten every word you said to me.. I guess its just that I take things too seriously. I should forget now... I should be my old self... The self I have erased since I met you. Cover up the immature side of me forever. And leave the memories behind. I want to be a new me which was once me... The me that has forgotten what being nice to others meant. The me who never cares what people think and just do things as I like as long as I get what I want. Should I? Or should I stay being nice and get hurt by others' thoughts and my naiveness? I don't know. I don't want to lie to myself.. I don't want to lie to others. I just want to be me.. A me that is joyful and loveable but I do not want to be hurt anymore by my own mistakes and my own thoughts. So GOD. I'll let you decide my life now.. I will depend on you.. as you are my creator and I shall trust and obey you.. What comes ahead is the beginning of my new life... And those how want to be my friends I'll always be true to them and those who are busy with their life.. I'm just going to support them but I wouldn't disturb them anymore. if they want to find me I'll gladly be there for them. If not.. I'm just going to be okay with it... But for now... I'm still pondering about you.. for just another few more months until I get the hang of it... I'm sorry for all the trouble I have caused and all the mistakes I have made... I will miss the time that you made me happy. But I'll live with the memories that has made me happy... cause I truly do miss you...
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