A simple answer to that is because I trust people too easily... Its because I have not shielded myself properly... I let people penetrate into my life just as simple as picking a lock.. I do not like to say NO... and I certainly do not know how to control my feelings. I cannot help but think too much..
I get so easily taht I'm supposed to get use to it... but Everytime it happens.. The pain never stops.. but it get worse... I don't liek it happening.... I don't lettting myself get hurt.. But what can I do? Its opens back so many bad memories.. >,< The worst... Those i cry remembering... I just can't be treated so nice... I tend to fall for a person who is too nice to me... i can't help it.. why? WHy does is always happen to me? Why would God wanna hurt me over and over again? Yes I know I'm naive.. I know I'm too vulnerable... I know I'm too soft.. Though I act tough. but I'm still a girl...I can be a superwoman in the day... but at night when i crawl into my bed.. I'm still a girl who prays to u and say God.. Please send someone who will love me for me... but... U didn't answer my call... I know you have planned something for me... but.. I just cant help but think.. Is it too much to ask for? I know doubting you is wrong. I know you are right... but I just can't help myself.... You have given me tonnes of frens who cared who was nice... I thank you for that... I have been havign this question for a long time now... Should I just stop thinking? Block out all my feelings? Ignore everything... And only care bout myself? I really don't know.. But if there is a trigger I guess it will happen the next time I get hurt.. Cause I have enough of pain already.. Enough to trigger a shutdown and blockout button! Maybe I'm just being selfish.. but... I cant help it if it means for me to be safe... ><
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