dilemma.....

why??? why?? why??? how??? how??? how??? NO!! NO!! NEVER!!! NEVER!!
I DID IT AGAIN!!!!! OMG........ NOOOOOO.........
I've told myself like  a million times.. NO.. admire him yes.. cos he is fun,smart and awesome.. fine.. BUt not fall for him... OMG... You help me through a lot of stuff... you were nice to me... but being so nice makes me feel bad.. Cause that makes me fall for you... when I fall for you.. you ignore me totally.. this makes me feel bad and sad... Am I in fault or is it yours.. Your not to blame actually cause i'm the stupid one falling for you.. But do you know I fell for you or its just so random that I don't see you anymore.... ?? I know I won't be seeing you for a while now.... I really am going to miss you.. although I know I'm lying to myself that I wont be thinking of you.. Honestly... I think I will... Saying that i dont like u is just a lie that i'm telling myself and everyone else... I'm going to try but its going to be hard.. You are so nice to me yet being nice to me makes me suffer... I really don't know whether to hate you or to love you... .. ><